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Wednesday, December 27, 2017

When You're Tired or Distracted

We do a lot of strange things when we're tired or preoccupied, some of them rather interesting. Our scatter-brained tendencies cause some situations worthy of a stand-up comedy routine or TV sitcom. Below are a few examples of this.

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Phone Spam

Most of us are familiar with the spam messages one gets in their e-mail inbox. Fifty percent off some disgusting product you wouldn't buy in a million years! Or a message whose sender is the name of someone you know, but the e-mail address is something weird, and all it has is a strange-looking link. Nope, not clicking on that. I like my computer without the adware and crippling viruses.
But what about phone calls? Yes, the dreaded phone calls that leave us scrambling to answer them, only to discover it's Rachel from Cardholder Services, or that our Windows PC is in grave danger. And how do we respond to these calls? "Oh no, I accidentally hit the 'end' button on the phone." "Whoops, I lost my grip on the receiver and it fell back onto its cradle, effectively hanging up on that very important call!"
But let's go farther than that. Let's entertain thoughts of the ways we'd like to reply to those calls, a few humorous scenarios of how these calls could go.

You're breaking up! The house is going through a tunnel! -Gilmore Girls
Kkkkshskk... (click)

Saturday, December 16, 2017

It's the Simple Things

We have many goals in life. Some of them may be difficult to obtain. But let's not forget the simple of pleasures of life... like this.
Below are pictures which describe one of my dreams.

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Game Show Failure

If you've ever watched some of these game shows, you've probably been frustrated by the contestants. They're asked a question, and sometimes they give them weirdest or most obviously wrong answers. This is infinitely worse if they have limited time. Watch 'Chain Reaction', and you'll be going mad with the random things they blurt under pressure. Occasionally, you begin to suspect that the producers found the most clueless people possible to play their game show.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Things Generally Said to Animals

We say many different things to people, animals, or inanimate objects every day. Most of the dialogue is completely sane, normal conversation (with the exception of me). However, there are some things which sound odd or nonsensical, unless you're speaking to an animal.

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Measuring Insanity

Sometimes I find myself to be extremely weird. Then I see something like this, and I feel much more sane.

owlcityofficial-  Last night I dreamed Abraham Lincoln chased me down the sidewalk waving an Applebee's menu at me, and I was runni g as fast as I could, nervously tucking and untucking my shirt into the back of my underwear, and Abraham Lincoln was like, 'Come back here you ugly little snot,' and I was like 'No, leave me alone!' and then I tucked my shirt so far into my pants I got super dizzy and everyone immediately started making fun of me, and I screamed in anger, and then Robin Williams texted me a picture of a dustpan.
For more non-sensical things, please consult the Investigation of Crime Rates series or Adam Young's blog.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

When Writers Try to Read

Writers have their own peculiar set of problems, including the infamous issue of their brain yammering incessantly about writing-related stuff. Anything and everything can trigger this, and before long, you find your mind going on a seemingly never-ending tangent. Please tell me I'm not the only one with this issue.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Trying to Concentrate When You're a Writer

Writers have a million stories going through their heads, and characters continually roam the plateaus of a writer's brain. This causes more and more ideas to be churned out. It also causes potential issues, especially when story-related things are clamoring for attention at inconvenient times.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Normal People Vs. Fantasy Writers

Ah, writers. They research random bits of information, babble incoherently about their characters, and think everything in the universe is fodder for their writing. Fantasy writers are even worse. They laugh maniacally while learning to say 'gryphon' in several different languages, wave a stick at something like it's a wand (unfortunately, nothing's levitated yet), think reading about pterosaurs is a good way to research dragons, and believe in doing everything the hard way.
Below are some comparisons between normal people and insane fantasy writers.

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Writer's Block Monologue

A humorous take on what goes through a writer's head when they get the form of writer's block associated with plot holes, or just not knowing how to finish up a scene.

Thursday, November 9, 2017

'More About Me' Writer's Questionnaire

Well, it appears I've been tagged in yet another blog post, by none other than Deborah Kelty! And it's writing-related, which conveniently is going to be my theme for the rest of the month.
So without further ado, here are some fun questions and answers.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Epic Writing Fails

We've all had those moments where we make mistakes in our writing. Writers, in particular, are prone to this, because the more you write, the more opportunities you provide to make errors. And we won't even mention texting with not-so-smart phones and their deranged auto-correct. (I'm so glad my flip phone doesn't have auto-correct.)
Here are a few examples of epic fails in writing.

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Welcome to Twitter

So on Thursday, I made a dangerous move. I went to Deborah Kelty's profile on NaNo, and decided I was going to click on the link to her Twitter account. And then it happened. I was sitting there on Twitter, reading different posts, and then I had the burning desire to create an account.
So now, here I am, expressing some of the writing-related thoughts that are too short to make a blog post out of. And with that, I welcome you to the new Twitter profile.

Twitter profile picture- gray wolf

Disclaimer: this profile may cause readers to realize how totally insane I am. Enter at your own peril.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Water Horse

It was the first day of November. Or, as written in the writer's calendar, 'tis the National Novel Writing Month, a time of writing one's fingers off and conquering the fantasy world. Yes, it was time to go on a writing binge.
So what did I do? Why, I went on Wikipedia to do some research for world-building, of course. Because I've had no time prior to this for world-building, obviously. I'm a terrific procrastinator. But that's another story entirely. So I spent my day alternating between television and mythological creatures. I found a few other things while I was there, as well, and all seemed to be going well.
Then it happened. The internet provider cackled evilly, and then failed to supply us with an internet connection. We thought it was a problem with the router, as it's been acting up lately. But we unplugged it and plugged it back in multiple times, with little success.
While I was waiting for the internet to cooperate, I got bored and decided to open Microsoft Paint. Continuing on my theme of world-building and mythical creatures, I began drawing a fictional creature. Below is the result of my work.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Weird Cross-overs or Combinations

In books, plays, TV shows, movies, etc., there are many different story-lines, characters, and genres. However, what if cross-overs of these were made, or certain aspects of some of them were used to create an entirely new concept? Some of these can be funny, or just plain weird.

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Archie Bunker Method of Decision-Making

When you can't figure out which decision is the right one, ask Archie Bunker for advice.
Then, because Archie Bunker is wrong about everything, do the opposite of what he told you.

Archie Bunker looking cranky

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

The Camping Trip

A man decided he would take his young sons on a camping trip. He had camped many times before, and he wanted his kids to experience this joy as well. So he reserved a great camping spot, gathered some things, and set out with his two sons in tow.
Upon arriving at their destination, he made a horrible discovery: he had accidentally reserved the wrong place. A minor frustration, but oh well. This spot should do just as well for their trip.
It was pouring down rain as they set up the tent. Once that was done, he prepared to get the barbecue out for their meal. Then he realized he forgot the barbecue. Great. Well, he said, they would just have to eat a cold meal tonight. In the morning, they would drive into town and get some supplies.

Saturday, October 21, 2017

NaNoWriMon 2017

Every November, NaNoWriMo (short for National Novel Writing Month) issues a challenge to people: write a novel in just one month. More specifically, they demand fifty thousand words. Now, I'm not one of those people who writes a zillion words in a single month, but it is a good way to challenge yourself with how many words you can get.
Well, recently, I decided I was going to do something new for the occasion. I've been seeing people on the forums with a Pokemon in their signature representing their word count. Sounds cool, right? So I thought to myself, why not try that myself? So I clicked on the link, and was sent to a lovely webpage allowing me to create my very own NaNoWriMon. These creatures gain 'experience' as your word count increases, and if they're a Pokemon that's part of an evolution chain, they'll evolve into their different forms if you gain enough words over the month.

NaNo signature- 'You're the only North Star I will follow this far.' -Owl City. Below, NaNoWriMon named Nova, currently a charmeleon

Snazzy, huh? Of course, NaNo hasn't started yet, so I have no word count. Until then, my egg won't hatch. But stick around, for when November arrives and I start gaining words towards that glorious goal, I'll have a beautiful new Pokemon to raise.
Below is my lovely little Nova.


Nova the charmeleon. Level 24, with word count of 12449

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Musical Replies

Have a question? Need advice? Fear not. Any problem you have, any situation you face, there's a song for it to help you through. Below are a few examples.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Neopian Logic

When you've been wandering the world of Neopia as long as I have, you notice some odd things. What seems nonsense on Earth is normal on Neopia. Today, we're going to discuss the strange logic behind things on the popular website Neopets.

Map of Neopia


Saturday, October 7, 2017

Great Moments in Story Notes

Earlier, we explored excellent file names for story fragments. Today, it's time to enjoy weird or comical reminders and story outlines. Admittedly, I'm a tad fond of finding humorous ways to phrase things sometimes, even in my notes. Other notes are amusing because of their vagueness, or because it reveals you haven't fleshed out plot details. "And he did this for some reason." "She gained the throne somehow." Even better if they're so vague, I forget what they mean. "Why brothers didn't know." Know what?
Here are some examples of interesting story notes and reminders. (As a word of warning, this list won't be complete until the day I die, because I'm always coming up with new stuff.)

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Naming Dragon Species

As mentioned in previous posts, I've been terrible with putting off certain things in my writing, such as world-building. I have one story which I haven't worked on much lately, instead focusing on other projects or doing nothing at all.
In example, I have a dragon species which needs an official name. Since I haven't been working on the story where this dragon species is mentioned, it's become easier to procrastinate on the task.
However, a new development has occurred, and it seems I now have little choice in the matter. The spokesperson (spokesdragon?) for the species has announced to me that they're growing impatient of waiting and I'd best get a move on. As such, I've been feverishly working to find a name, lest I face the wrath of fire-breathing creatures.

Saturday, September 30, 2017

How Extreme Introverts Make Friends

Introverts, socially-inept individuals, and socially-inept introvert hybrids alike wonder: what is the secret formula to meeting new people and making new friends? Well, let's see, how did we acquire our previous friends? (thinks a long while) Uh, I dunno, it just sort of happened. I think they adopted me, I'm not sure what I did right to make it happen.
Below is a guide to making friends if you're an introvert, shy, or just really socially awkward.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

The Immortal John Bates

We all have characters we love. Take, for example, the popular television series 'Downton Abbey'. It's filled with lovable characters. So what do the writers do? Why, kill them off, of course. Millions of viewers have their hearts broken as wonderful people perish on the show, leaving other characters with broken hearts as well.

Downton Abbey image with cast

But fear not, dear Downton fans. There is one character who will never leave us. His name: John Bates. (spoilers ahead)

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Google Chrome- No Internet Connection

So the internet has been going out occasionally, causing us to have to unplug the modem and router, then plug them back in. But while waiting for the internet to return, it's always good to practice your jumping and evasion skills.
So next time you're using Google Chrome, and you find yourself disconnected from the internet, hit the spacebar. I dare you.

Mini-game with dinosaurs and pterosaurs. High score- 2483
My current high score. I'm so proud of it.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Five Facts About My Story

Well, I just finished reading a post on Deborah Kelty's blog, in which she listed five facts about her writing project, then challenged others to do the same. So here I am, because I relish challenges, and having a million posts lined up for my blog.
For those who have kept up with my blog, you probably know bits and pieces of information about my story, along with exaggerated puns about the writing process. And now, I'm going to explore the fabulous fantasy setting, and the story that started it, in greater depth.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Realities of Summer

Many of us have experienced those horrid, blistering days when it's hotter than the pits of Mount Doom, hotter than the Sun, hotter than.... well, than any mortal being can hope to survive in. We've also experienced the frustrations associated with sunburn, among other related hassles. Below are some pictures that describe the joy of summer.

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Popularity Surge

It's every blogger's dream to have readers, even dedicated followers. We leap eagerly at any new comments, enthusiastic about everything.
Then this happens, and we have no idea how it occurred. "I never get this many page-views. What happened? Where did they come from? Is this a glitch, or did new readers appear from somewhere? How can I duplicate this miracle?!"

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Remote Confusion

So I was looking at funny images online, and I came across this.

Labelled remotes with tape over extraneous buttons

Saturday, August 26, 2017

The Dog Igloo

You see a lot of unusual things in life, sometimes in startling contrast to the otherwise normal surroundings.
In example, a scene from staring out the front window one afternoon. A dog igloo stepped into view, heading down the sidewalk as though this was normal behavior for an inanimate object.
"A dog igloo just walked by." I said.
My aunt, of course, was confused by this random sentence, describing such a random event. My mother then explained that a woman went past, carrying a dog igloo over her so she just looked like a doghouse with legs.
Living in the city is going to be fun. There'll never be a dull moment again. 

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Social Media

"What's on your mind?" Facebook asks me every time I visit the website.

Well, I'm on Facebook. I rejoined social media to better keep in contact with people, especially since I was moving away from most of the people I know. I look at people's posts, comment on things, occasionally chat online with people.

What is Facebook to us? Sure, it's a good way to keep connected with people. It's a way of sharing thoughts and experiences. But let me plunge deeper. Sure, we can read heart-warming or funny stories, see posts of what people have been up to.

But it's not enough.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

The Never-ending Name

Learning new things is fun. Awhile back, I saw an unbelievably long word, and I'm sure the guy who typed it was laughing maniacally when he shared it with the online world. Now what is this word, you might ask? Certainly it couldn't be that long.
All right, then, here it is: Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

How to Answer a Phone

Ever have the phone ring at a really inopportune time? Like, say, when you're lying in bed in the morning, and don't want to get up? Or perhaps when you have two dogs on your lap, pinning you down for all eternity? Bonus points if they're sleeping (about 97% of the time) and you don't want to disturb them.
Here is an accurate depiction of what happens when the phone rings.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Yours, Mine, and Meows

"There's no more 'mine' and there's no more 'yours'. From now on, everyone and everything is 'ours'." (from the film 'Yours, Mine and Ours')

I know a cat who believes in such a philosophy.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Adulting

As kids, we imagine what it would be like to be an adult, and the expectations are different from reality. We find ourselves thinking, "I'm not an adult! I'm still too immature and irresponsible and clueless to be an adult!" We also realize this wasn't what we signed up for. This is hard, and more demanding than we had anticipated. All those daydreams about being a grown-up were silly, impossible fantasies.
Below are some of the realities we face when we grow up and find ourselves forced to act like an adult.

Saturday, July 29, 2017

A Three-Year-Old's Favorite Word

In web design terms, this is how a three-year-old's mind is programmed.

<a question id="child" loop="infinite">
Why?
</a>

Note that as I work on this blog post, my second cousin has asked "Why?" multiple times to her grandmother.

Monday, July 24, 2017

A Cat's Guide to Eating

I'm looking after two cats right now, and earlier one of them exhibited an interesting method of eating dinner. Make sure to show your animals this guide, as it will be helpful to them in coming up with new ways to make you shake your head at them.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

King Canine

Yesterday, I had an intriguing thought. If an important ruler were cursed and turned into an animal of some sort, how would the situation be dealt with? Would the government try to cover up that the king was now a dog? Would they make the servants swear to secrecy? And how would the family react? After all, the queen's husband now has a tail and floppy ears, and the crown prince finds the awkward situation of his father literally barking a lecture at him.
And imagine what people would have to do in order to hide this problem. Claim that the king is stepping out of the public eye. If guests come over, they'd have to claim he was ill and that's why they couldn't see him.
How would the victim react to this? He can no longer speak, which he may frequently forget, resulting in people randomly being whined and barked at. Plus, the awkward change in how his meals are served. Imagine a royal dining hall with a dog sitting on a chair, front paws on the table as he eats off a plate. And no silverware, either, certainly a change from the typical dignity and etiquette of a royal. And getting used to walking on all fours could take some getting used to.

In case you're wondering where this brilliant idea came from, look no further. 

King transformed into a dog
Super Mario Bros 3, NES version. The king's so much cuter as a dog, don't you think?

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

It Doesn't Exist

Here's a terrific fun fact for today.

Germans joke that Bielefeld doesn't exist. When Angela Merkel mentioned going there, she said 'if it exists at all.'
Bielefeld on April Fools' Day: We exist! Ha ha ha!
...Why does no one believe us?

This, of course, brings up all sorts of philosophical questions. Why keep Bielefeld, Germany a secret? Is there a secret Area 51 they want no one to know about? Is it a town made entirely of gelatin, and they didn't want the public to learn about it, lest they eat it all and the town be no more? Or is it a hoax, and they're claiming this mythical place is actually real?

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Library Garden

My friend and I went to the library a week or so ago. It was only about a mile away, she said, so we could just walk there. So we left, on our journey to the library. It turned out to be longer than we thought, closer to two miles, so we walked for about forty-five minutes to an hour. The best part was when we passed a rotating sprinkler. My friend saw her opportunity, and ran across. I foolishly followed her, and the sprinkler hit me in the ear. She laughed at me for a long while.
We arrived there, and the two bookworms were in heaven. I wanted to get a library card, but I didn't have an ID card. I have applied for one at the DMV, though, so when it arrives, I'm going to check out that interesting book I found and started reading, along with about a billion others I'm sure to discover when I explore further.
There was a garden outside the library, which my friend wanted me to see. It had tons of roses, her favorite flower, so she was happy. And it smelled wonderful, too. I had brought my camera, so I proceeded to take over a hundred photos. (I'm not even kidding.) I was playing with the camera settings, seeking the perfect picture to do justice to the awesomeness. My friend got bored waiting for me, and sought refuge on her phone.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Land of Scorpions

Enclosed are directions for living in an area plagued by scorpions.

  1. Walk around the house and suddenly feel a stabbing pain.
  2. Find a scorpion in the region you were walking, lying flat on the floor to divert suspicion.
  3. Pick up a shoe and smash the offending creature, then clean up the remains.
  4. Wash hands to remove any traces of arachnid guts.
  5. Dry hands on a terry cloth scorpion.
  6. Repeat steps 3 and 4, then use a safe hand towel.
  7. Search every nook and cranny of the house for more scorpions.
  8. Satisfied that you're safe, lie down on the couch or bed.
  9. Be stabbed in the face by a pillow.
  10. Repeat steps 3 and 4, grumbling all the while.
  11. Go to bed, your dreams plagued by giant scorpions with glowing red eyes.
  12. Wake up and get dressed.
  13. Scream in agony and throw shirt across the room.
  14. Repeat steps 3 and 4.
  15. Fantasize about living in the Arctic Circle, where it's too cold for scorpions to thrive.
  16. If you didn't move to a scorpion-free region, start over at step 1.
For more information about living among scorpions, please consult Choose Words Carefully and It's Raining Arachnids.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Great Titles For Story Fragments

As I'm writing, I sometimes find myself removing scenes or bits of dialogue because they don't work there. If it's a really nice excerpt, however, I save it onto a separate file in case I find a use for it later. Other times, I do the reverse. I'll have a great idea of for a scene or dialogue, but nowhere to put it at the time. So I create a file for this occasion, and I can refer to it later.
Naturally, I have to think of a name to remind me of what the file contains. This has led to some interesting file names, some of which are amusing or just plain weird. Enjoy the following list.

  1. annoying guy
  2. banister of temptation
  3. big spider
  4. If Jack is late again
  5. insolent prince
  6. Jacob the grim reaper
  7. Orinth vs Snake
  8. rose bush of pain
  9. secret eagle
  10. yelling at Brendon (again)
  11. Yelling at Jaceo
  12. boycott ships
  13. fawn at dawn

Admittedly, many of the excerpts contained in those files have humor value. And admittedly, sometimes I get goofy and try to invent a comical name. But yes, I am strange and somewhat crazy. And what can I say? File names like these make life more interesting.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Packing Books

So I have to pack up all of my stuff, and I have an insane amount of it. Belongings seem to grow and multiply when you try to put them into boxes, and quadruple in weight once surrounded by cardboard.
Of course, one thing that helps when moving is asking yourself, "Is there anything here I don't really want or need?" While this method has reduced the amount of stuff somewhat, it still doesn't change the fact that I own a billion things. And in regards to the books I've removed with this method, it's like trying to reduce a dog's weight by brushing out the dead hairs, or trying to put out an enormous forest fire by sneezing at it.
My desire to procrastinate also aids with this problem. In fact, I'm on my computer when I could be packing things. And when I am packing, I find ways to be distracted from it. I just don't want to do it, though it needs to be done, and I'm running low on time.
But in the meantime, please enjoy this list of complaints, excuses, and other things related to the packing process.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Death of a Twinkie

Back in 2013, when the Hostess company was out of business, I found this online. Amazing what some people will buy, isn't it? Naturally, I had to keep the screenshot.

Twinkie coffin sold online

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Grading Plagiarism

I saw a hilarious picture online a few years back. If I was a teacher, I would definitely want this stamp for grading work.


Gandalf 'you shall not pass' stamp on research paper

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

The Silhouette in the Hall

One day, my friend was in the bathroom getting ready to go somewhere. She was Face-Timing with her mother, and thought she was alone in the house.
Just then, she saw a tall, looming silhouette of a man in the hall. She screamed bloody murder, staring in wide-eyed horror. In her panic, she didn't realize the man was actually their roommate. Startled by this reaction and not knowing why she was screaming, he cowered in a ball against the wall. He was terrified to look behind him, thinking there was someone behind him that prompted this shriek.
Finally, her brain registered that it was their roommate, and not a random stranger who broke into the house to kill her. She then started laughing at the situation. Their roommate couldn't figure out what was funny, but she was laughing too hard to explain. In confusion, he began looking through the house for the serial killer he still feared might be in the house.
The neighbors, who heard the deafening screams, hurried over to the house to investigate. My friend tried to tell them everything was fine, but they were unconvinced, and insisted on going through the house themselves to make sure that she was telling the truth.
Meanwhile, her mother, who had been forgotten in the chaos, was freaking out. All she knew was that her daughter suddenly screamed, then vanished. She called every family member she could, telling them that something was going on. My friend's uncle, who didn't have a car, somehow managed to secure a vehicle shortly after hearing about this, and hurried to the house.
Upon discovering the panic she had created in her mother, my friend called her mother, and spent about an hour trying to calm her down and assure her that it was just a false alarm. "I've never heard you scream like that." her mother said. "I never want to hear anything like that again!" 
When my friend's father heard about the string of events her ear-splitting scream caused, he told her, "Well, at least we know if anything actually happens to you, it won't go unnoticed."

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Late Night Scares

A group of girls were at a sleepover, and they were all telling scary stories in the dark .After a while, they were all thoroughly creeped out, to the point where no one wanted to walk down the dark, spooky hallway to the bathroom alone.
So one girl escorted the other through the hall. As they approached, the second girl thought, Hey, wouldn't it be funny if I pretended to be pulled into the bathroom by something? Upon reaching the door, she acted like something was dragging her in. Her horrified escort shrieked and ran for her life down the hall.
Good to know you have a brave protector if something happens, right?

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Guide Cats

While taking the online DMV practice test, I saw an interesting question.

The primary traveling aids for a blind person include:

One of the multiple-choice answers is "a red cane and a trained guide cat". Now, how many people have seen a trained guide cat? I sure haven't. In fact, I haven't seen many people walking their cat at all, save for on television. And even less of those cats were actually walking on the leash. But seriously, people, don't drag your poor cat across the ground. Unless you want to be a scratching post later, or find cat poop in your shoe.
Of course, some people have actually got their feline to walk with them on a leash. Now you can parade around town, showing off your beautiful tabby, or Siamese, or whatever the case might be.

Cat on halter and leash


Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Placeholder Names

Let's face it, as writers, we want the perfect names for everything. We're perfectionists in every way, always striving for perfection in spelling, grammar, plot, character development, etc. And did I mention we want everything to be perfect?
However, there are times when we have to mention something in our story, though we haven't decided yet what it's going to be called. That's what placeholder names are for. Just a temporary blob of letters until you decide the name of that character, or town, or landmass, or fictional man-eating plant species. Come to think of it, sometimes placeholder names can have some amusing results. Let's explore some examples, shall we?

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Computer Programs- Now 20% More Obnoxious

As the proud owner of a Windows Vista desktop that's on its eighth year, I get to enjoy all the perks of having the same PC for a long time. My personal files and games are here, the settings are as I like them, and the OS is familiar to me. I also get to bask in the knowledge that everyone in the technology business points and jeers and throws rocks at me and my trusty computer. 
For example, several months ago, Google Chrome was gracious enough to inform me that it will no longer receive updates, because they no longer support XP and Vista users. And it informs me, and it informs me, every time I open the browser. I get the point, Google. You think I own a fossil. And now Gmail is yammering on about how my version of Chrome is longer supported. Wow, you don't say. I had no idea my Chrome version was out-of-date.
More recently, Microsoft Security Essentials decided to have an annoying little window that tells me I won't receive updates much longer. Every day, sometimes twice in a single day, it tells me I'm going to lose support.

Really, there's no greater treat than listening to the computer programs gripe at me. Nothing beats a bombardment of things like this:

  • "Nyah, nyah, nyah!" (blows raspberry)
  • "♫Nobody like you, everybody hates you, guess you'll eat some worms. Big ones, little ones, fat ones, skinny ones, twenty-four hours a day.♪♫"
  • "Yo, Meow! We're, like, totally cutting you off from those rad updates you like so much."
  • "Your computer is over the hill now. Hey, were dinosaurs still walking the Earth when you first got that thing? You know, you could sell that to a antique shop and get loads of money."
  • Ted Allen:  "Meowmocha, you have been chopped."
  • "Woah, I didn't know any of these things were still running!"
  • "Hate to break it to you, mate, but we're kicking you to the kerb."
  • "The field investigators in your sector have classified you as obsolete, this finding carries with it serious implications... You have no function, Mr. Wordsworth, er, computer, you're an anachronism, like a ghost from another time."




So, how do you deal with a situation like this? There's some very simple solutions to the problem.

For example, the NES Zapper. Among the delights of my childhood, the Zapper is perfect for shooting 8-bit ducks out of the sky. Unfortunately, the game designers don't let you shoot the dog when it laughs at you, which he does every time you fail to bring down the quarry. But I digress. The point is, the Zapper can also be used for a second purpose: shooting down those annoying notifications. You calling me obsolete? (bang)

NES Zapper and Duck Hunt game


Of course, this method isn't guaranteed. You might not have an NES Zapper, and besides that, they don't work properly on those new-fangled LCD screens. So let's move on to Option Two: Stress Reducers. It's an old computer program which takes a screenshot of your desktop, then allows you to express yourself with chain saws, flame-throwers, phasers, and other fun weapons of destruction.

Stress Reducers program- 'support for operating system is ending' message on fire and being shot with a machine gun


Boy, that makes those annoying computer issues seem fun, don't you think? "Why, thank you. I wanted you to tell me the program quit responding." (sets error message on fire)
So now you know what to do the next time a computer is giving you a hard time. And remember, kids, you heard it from Meowmocha. Recommend me to your friends the next time they need tech support!


Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Apathy to the Nth Degree

Going onto my e-mail and being reminded of things I keep meaning to do and haven't done yet, like giving my feedback on a story I'm beta-reading.
Then I went to NaNoWriMo and saw more things I haven't done yet. Someone messaged me asking if I wanted to collaborate with them on something. That was weeks ago, and I still hadn't replied. The long waiting period somehow made it feel worse that I was declining.
And then there's the NaNo newsletter saying "HEY! Have you announced your novel yet?" I'm not even sure which project I'll work on. It seems like when I announce one thing, I wind up working on another project more, so I might as well put both of them on the list. And everything reminds me that I haven't done much writing lately.
Anyone else have a period where they feel like they should be doing stuff and feel guilty about not doing it, yet they're extremely unmotivated to actually do anything?

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Sneezeoactive

To celebrate the annual cold and flu season, I have provided some fitting music. This is best sang to the tune of 'Radioactive' by Imagine Dragons.

I feel it in my nose,
My throat, my head and everywhere else,
Welcome to the new daze, to the new daze,
Welcome to the new daze, to the new daze,
Oh oh oh oh oh,
Oh oh oh oh oh,
I'm Sneezeoactive, sneezeoactive,
Oh oh oh oh oh,
Oh oh oh oh oh,
I'm Sneezeoactive, sneezeoactive!

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Generation Z in the Future

People from Generation Z (born 1996 or later) find smart-phones, CDs, and high-speed internet familiar. Those from an earlier generation grew up with vinyl records or tapes, and some didn't have cell phones and internet when they were children. Many of these things may be considered old to a Generation Z individual. However, what will this technology be regarded as in future generations?