Wednesday, August 9, 2017

How to Answer a Phone

Ever have the phone ring at a really inopportune time? Like, say, when you're lying in bed in the morning, and don't want to get up? Or perhaps when you have two dogs on your lap, pinning you down for all eternity? Bonus points if they're sleeping (about 97% of the time) and you don't want to disturb them.
Here is an accurate depiction of what happens when the phone rings.


  1. Hear the phone ringing.
  2. Move the laptop off your lap and onto the neighboring couch cushion.
  3. Nearly knock the laptop off the couch.
  4. Wireless mouse slides off the laptop desk and onto the floor.
  5. Wonder where the phone is.
  6. See phone in extremely obvious location and head towards it.
  7. Stub toe on coffee table.
  8. Reach phone.
  9. Discover it's an 800 number, one of those calls where they say nothing and then hang up, or other unimportant call.
  10. Throw phone down in disgust.
Note that the next time you need the phone, it will likely be in an inconvenient location, like underneath a hundred catalogs or buried deep inside the couch. Also, your response time will be slower the next few times the phone rings, due to the pronounced limp from stubbing your toe. And finally, remember that you will be facing this issue until the end of time, because credit card offers and mute callers will never end.

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