Things Generally Said to Animals

We say many different things to people, animals, or inanimate objects every day. Most of the dialogue is completely sane, normal conversation (with the exception of me). However, there are some things which sound odd or nonsensical, unless you're speaking to an animal.

1. "Thank you for sneezing on my ankle."
2. "Don't sit on my face!"
3. "Is it okay if I actually lie on the bed?"
4. "Stop stepping on my pillow!"
5. "Why are you licking the footstool?"
6. "Get your stinky breath out of my face."
7. "You wanted a cricket dropped on your head, right?"

   

   "Not really."

8. "Do I look like a Kleenex to you?"
9. "That's not a chew toy!"
10. "You're drooling on my knee, aren't you."
11. "Are you supposed to be on the table?"
12. "Quit acting like you're going to bite me."
13. "Did you have to do that in my ear?"
14. "Next time you have a hairball, puke in the litter box."
15. "You are disturbingly quiet."
16. "Why are you eating a tissue? Do you need more fiber in your diet?"
17. "Don't walk on the keyboard. Or the touch-pad. Just don't stand on the computer at all."
18. "Aren't you supposed to land with more grace?"
19. "Your face doesn't belong on my plate."
20. "Quit using me as a jungle gym."
    
21. "What did I just say about climbing on me?"
22. "No, you're not going to eat my lanyard."
23. "Are you having fun kneading my forehead?"