Friday, February 26, 2016

Restless Innovation

When you're trying to write that perfect chapter, or finish that report for your boring history class, or other tasks, you occasionally run into a problem. The work needs to be done, but you can't seem to sit still. You keep getting up to get a snack, or check if the dishwasher is finished running, or you find yourself wandering aimlessly.
So how does one solve the issue of restlessness preventing you from working? There are a myriad of solutions to this. For example, consider buying several feet of rope, and tying yourself to your chair. This discourages getting up and straying from your work.
Another solution is to create a new way of working. Consider today's treadmills. You're walking and walking, with nothing to do but stare at the wall and perhaps listen to something if you brought a radio or music player. But what if we were to make some changes to the treadmill? If you were to install a platform in front of the treadmill, you could place a book or laptop on it. You could then finish your algebra assignment, balance your checkbook, or write a novel without restless energy distracting you from it.
Think about it. If such a thing were created and offered to the public at an affordable price, it could usher in a new, far more productive future. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get up and grab some Cheese Nips. I'll get to that novel eventually...

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Ridiculous Things Writers Say or Do

Writers often become absorbed in their stories, sometimes going so far that it begins to affect the person's words, actions, or sanity. Here are a few examples.

  1. "How the elfin and human traits are passed down is rather simple. Let me explain it to you." the writer says. Pulling out a marker, they begin making punnet squares on the whiteboard.
  2. "Well, I kept starting drafts, abandoning them, and starting another draft because it wasn't coming out right. I have several abandoned drafts of the same story. Then I forced myself to stick with one draft, or else I would never make any progress. Of course, I have writer's block on the story now, so I think the solution is to start another draft..."
  3. "Dragons, you see, are very fascinating creatures. They have telepathic abilities, can breathe fire, are warm-blooded, have hollow bones like a bird..." The writer prattles on, oblivious that they lost the attention span of their audience long ago.
  4. "I'm just doing some minor editing on this story." the writer says, heading toward their manuscript with a machete.
  5. "This editing program is great. It's really helping me to polish my story." the writer says. "Hey, what do you mean I'm wrong? Oh yeah? Well, I'm going to look it up, and I bet you're wrong!"
  6. "What did I do wrong, spellcheck? I thought I had this! (sob) Wait, never mind, you're right. I'm sorry I ever doubted—hey, that is too a word!"
  7. "Anyway, I was trying to find the replacement for the vacuum canister, and none of the stores had it, so—wait, that song lyric just gave me an idea for a story!" Before anyone can stop them, the writer races off to write down their idea.
  8. "This entire story stinks! I can't do this! I'm a horrible writer! I should just give up!" The writer storms away from their computer, looking livid. Thirty minutes later, they return and are feverishly working on a poetic, descriptive short story of wondrous beauty.
  9. "I'm just going to write something short." the writer says. Then their work become five times longer than they had anticipated.
  10.  "I've been away from my computer for three days. I can't stand it any longer." the writer says, twitching. "I must go back to my writing! I can't be away from my characters a second more!" The writer lunges for the computer keyboard and vanishes into a fantasy world.
  11.  "Hey, that reminds me of something in my story." the writer says. Their friend gives them a funny look and replies, "Everything reminds you of your fantasy story. The other day you saw a cloud that looked like your main character."

Friday, February 5, 2016


Sometimes people have some really great luck. I mean, they couldn't be any luckier sometimes, even if they wore a shirt made of four-leaf clovers, and were picking up pennies all the time, and had a house filled with horseshoes.

For example, there's Shane, one of the people I know from church. One of the boys was goofing around, and just for fun, picked up Shane and tried to flip him. Unfortunately, he messed up somehow, and instead Shane fell, and his head collided on the edge of a concrete slab. For a brief moment we all looked at Shane on the ground, the concrete chipped where his head hit it. Then he got up, seeming unharmed. There was no shattered skull, no concussion, no blood. A bit of hair came out, and that was it. He was laughing about the whole incident. I'm quite certain that his head is indestructible.
Perhaps it gives that passage in Ephesians a whole new meaning. Put on the gospel armor, and even your friend accidentally dropping you head-first onto concrete shall not harm you.

Monday, February 1, 2016

If Characters Became Real, Vol. II

We've known plenty of fictional characters in our lives. We read about them in books, see them in movies and TV shows. However, what if those characters ended up in the real world? With characters living in other places, different time periods, or alternate realities, the possibilities are endless. In this post, we'll be exploring a few of these possibilities.
If anybody has suggestions for interesting scenes, please leave a comment.