How to Identify a Nerd

A list of ways to determine if you or someone you know is secretly a geek.

1. They use strange technological terms that no one else understands. (Ex: "So I debugged the hard drive, reinstalled the driver, then overclocked the processor.")
2. They know what Hypertext Markup Language is and how to use it.
3. They can disassemble, repair, and reassemble a complex gizmo as though it's as easy as breathing.
4. They programmed your garage door opener to turn your neighbor's television on and off.
5. They use unusual references to pinpoint when certain events occurred. (Ex: "My eighth birthday party was shortly after the Nintendo DS was released.")
6. They sometimes start their chat posts with "ooc:".
7. Their version of a wild party is having a video game marathon with their friends all night.
8. They carry an NES Zapper with them for protection.
9. Their role model is a character from the 'Dragon Warrior' series.
10. They consider their greatest achievement to be obtaining ten shiny Pokemon.
11. They know what all those strange buttons on the DVD remote do.
12. They spend seven hours making ASCII art.
13. They often reference characters from online games in everyday conversation.
14. They reward themselves for achievements by buying an upgrade for their computer.
15. They are fluent in Klingon.
16. They consider a great but exhausting weekend to be binge-watching 'Star Trek'.
17. They programmed your car to play the 'Barney' theme song non-stop while a dinosaur dances around on the screen, as an April Fools' prank.
18. They drive a hovercraft they built, rather than a regular car.
19. They celebrate major holidays like Bill Gates' birthday, and the anniversary of Nintendo.
20. They repaired your radio, and it now picks up signals from all over the world.
21. They give their child this to read. 
    

Painful Dreaming

There have been instances where something bad happens to a person in their dream, and they feel the pain of it. When they wake up, they still feel the same pain they experienced in their dream. Some say that this pain causes the negative event to occur in the person's dream. Others believe that this pain is caused by the event in their dream; that is, the pain felt is purely psychological and not based on actual illness or injury.

My brother has experienced this a few times, and thinks that the pain is caused by events of the dreams. In one dream he had, he had wings and was flying through the sky. Then the hand of God reached down and tore his wings off. My brother began to fall, then woke to his shoulder blades hurting.
In another dream, my brother was an old man, and his pacemaker exploded inside his chest. He awakened with chest pain, and it took him a moment to remember how to breathe again.

Pieface

At Vacation Bible School, the missions teacher announced the whichever class brought the most money for the mission funds would get to throw pies at our pastor and our VBS coordinator. The two top classes were only a dollar apart, so both of those classes got to do it. There were many ingredients for making the pies, including tuna, cranberry gelatin, oatmeal, whipped cream, yogurt, cheese sauce, peanut butter, maple syrup, and canned fruit.

Then the kids threw and smashed the pies into the faces of their victims. The pastor's head became a rather messy-looking rainbow, and the VBS coordinator's hair was slicked down and covered in glop. When her hair was rinsed with the hose, it gave off a peanut butter scent. She later said she felt like she had gotten pie up her nose.

Sadly, I didn't think to bring my camera, so I have no pictures.

The Kitten

When I was young, I went to my friend's house, and there was a kitten there. I remember my friend's mother coming into the bedroom at one point with the kitten, probably to tell me goodnight. After she left, I had a feeling that the kitten was still in the room. Soon the kitten came onto the bed, and I began to pet it.

I heard footsteps coming down the hall, and feared my friend's mother had noticed the kitten's disappearance and was searching for it. I tried to push the kitten under the covers to hide it from her, but to no avail. She came in, found the kitten there, and took it out of the room with her, much to my disappointment.