The Fishing Trip

When I was a kid, once Dad took me fishing. He packed up a bunch of fishing stuff, and we set out for the nearby lake. He parked the truck, and then we headed down the hill. The path was steep, so much so that I clung fearfully to Dad as we traversed the near-vertical trail.

 

We're Not Getting More Animals

We have a running joke in this family. It starts with my aunt saying, "After these pets die, we're not getting any more." Which is followed by getting more animals. And the cycle repeats, over and over again. We tease her about it. "Uh huh, sure, you're not getting any more pets. Just like the last twenty times you said it."

For example, my aunt's chihuahua. Originally she was my cousin's dog, but my cousin went out a lot, and the dog didn't much enjoy being out and about all the time. So the young chihuahua wound up bonding to my aunt instead, and remained in her lap until she reached a ripe old age. She finally died, and my aunt said she wasn't going to have another chihuahua. That was the only one.

 

The beginning of a tiny dog dynasty.

Teleportation

Sometimes I think about how cool it would be if we could just teleport. It would certainly make things more convenient at times. Think of all the things you could do with that ability! Think of all the time, effort, and money saved!

You really need milk, and the shampoo bottle is getting low, but the snow and ice is a mile high and nobody bothers to plow the side roads. Just teleport to and from the grocery store, problem solved.

You'd like to visit your family in Florida more often, but it's a twenty-week drive over there, and flying is expensive and an enormous hassle. (What do you mean, I can't take a water bottle larger than half an ounce? That's about one mouthful.) Just pack a couple of bags and teleport to their doorstep. Oh dear, forgot to pack socks. Ah well, just make a quick trip to your dresser back on the other side of the country and come back again.

Also, you've always wanted to visit Scotland, but who wants to spend sixteen hours crammed in economy seating with some stranger practically sitting in your lap? With teleportation, you can cross the Atlantic in the time it takes to cough three times.

 

Horrible Things in Commercials

Do you ever look at commercials and think, "Man, that's the stupidest thing I ever saw in my life"? Whether the product itself is ridiculous, or the way it's advertised is just awful, sometimes we witness the most ridiculous things in advertising.

Finally, a decent ad.

Homeowner's Association

The Homeowner's Association. The villain in many a story. You must all paint your houses the same shade of beige, you must keep your grass at precisely this height, you must not keep your rusty old junker on cinder blocks in the front yard. So unreasonable, right? And for all these wonderful features, you get to pay a hefty HOA fee!

Which brings me to the point of my story: What if someone lived in an area that had a Homeowner's Association, and went out of their way to annoy the HOA? My friend and I were talking about this some time back, and I went on a rather ridiculous monologue.