Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Land of Scorpions

Enclosed are directions for living in an area plagued by scorpions.

  1. Walk around the house and suddenly feel a stabbing pain.
  2. Find a scorpion in the region you were walking, lying flat on the floor to divert suspicion.
  3. Pick up a shoe and smash the offending creature, then clean up the remains.
  4. Wash hands to remove any traces of arachnid guts.
  5. Dry hands on a terry cloth scorpion.
  6. Repeat steps 3 and 4, then use a safe hand towel.
  7. Search every nook and cranny of the house for more scorpions.
  8. Satisfied that you're safe, lie down on the couch or bed.
  9. Be stabbed in the face by a pillow.
  10. Repeat steps 3 and 4, grumbling all the while.
  11. Go to bed, your dreams plagued by giant scorpions with glowing red eyes.
  12. Wake up and get dressed.
  13. Scream in agony and throw shirt across the room.
  14. Repeat steps 3 and 4.
  15. Fantasize about living in the Arctic Circle, where it's too cold for scorpions to thrive.
  16. If you didn't move to a scorpion-free region, start over at step 1.
For more information about living among scorpions, please consult Choose Words Carefully and It's Raining Arachnids.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Great Titles For Story Fragments

As I'm writing, I sometimes find myself removing scenes or bits of dialogue because they don't work there. If it's a really nice excerpt, however, I save it onto a separate file in case I find a use for it later. Other times, I do the reverse. I'll have a great idea of for a scene or dialogue, but nowhere to put it at the time. So I create a file for this occasion, and I can refer to it later.
Naturally, I have to think of a name to remind me of what the file contains. This has led to some interesting file names, some of which are amusing or just plain weird. Enjoy the following list.

  1. annoying guy
  2. banister of temptation
  3. big spider
  4. If Jack is late again
  5. insolent prince
  6. Jacob the grim reaper
  7. Orinth vs Snake
  8. rose bush of pain
  9. secret eagle
  10. yelling at Brendon (again)
  11. Yelling at Jaceo
  12. boycott ships
  13. fawn at dawn

Admittedly, many of the excerpts contained in those files have humor value. And admittedly, sometimes I get goofy and try to invent a comical name. But yes, I am strange and somewhat crazy. And what can I say? File names like these make life more interesting.