Enclosed are directions for living in an area plagued by scorpions.
- Walk around the house and suddenly feel a stabbing pain.
- Find a scorpion in the region you were walking, lying flat on the floor to divert suspicion.
- Pick up a shoe and smash the offending creature, then clean up the remains.
- Wash hands to remove any traces of arachnid guts.
- Dry hands on a terry cloth scorpion.
- Repeat steps 3 and 4, then use a safe hand towel.
- Search every nook and cranny of the house for more scorpions.
- Satisfied that you're safe, lie down on the couch or bed.
- Be stabbed in the face by a pillow.
- Repeat steps 3 and 4, grumbling all the while.
- Go to bed, your dreams plagued by giant scorpions with glowing red eyes.
- Wake up and get dressed.
- Scream in agony and throw shirt across the room.
- Repeat steps 3 and 4.
- Fantasize about living in the Arctic Circle, where it's too cold for scorpions to thrive.
- If you didn't move to a scorpion-free region, start over at step 1.
For more information about living among scorpions, please consult Choose Words Carefully and It's Raining Arachnids.
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