Huskies and Museums

Recently, I had a strange dream. I was at a friend's house, and I had found a stray dog. It was rather skinny, and I was looking for some dog food. Naturally, this turned out to be a big long search, and I couldn't find much, despite there being multiple dogs in the house.

At one point, I found a small packet of dog food, but since the stray was a large dog, I needed more than that. I continued searching, then looked at what I was holding again and realized it wasn't a packet of dog food after all, but a Ziploc bag of dog treats, most of them dental chews.

I also needed a food bowl, which I wasn't doing much better at. I kept finding bowls for small dogs, or oddly designed ones that were completely impractical. I finally asked someone in the house, who wasn't anyone I knew in real life. They suggested one that was a food/water combo, but commented that one of the neighbor's dogs often tried to take the bowl. They rigged up a way to prevent that from happening, which looked like a paper bag that had been tied down to something. Considering that the paper bag was completely enveloping the dog dish, I wondered how I was going to pour the water in without it becoming a soggy, papery mess.

 

There was also a strange moment when I was stroking the dog, and noticed some sores on his body. Some of them seemed more tender than others, and at one point when I was examining him, he yelled, "Ouch!" Even in the dream, I thought it rather odd. Since when do dogs say 'ouch'? 

At some point, I decided to look for my friend, possibly to ask where on earth the dog food was. As I walked around, the house ceased to look like her old place, and became a larger, weirdly laid-out house. I found what looked like another living room, among many other rooms. I finally came across one that had large, ornate pictures on the wall, which inexplicably became a museum in the dream. I tried to keep the dog away from the paintings, as I had this strange fear that he would lift his leg on them. A museum curator came over and started talking to me, and then one of my other friends randomly appeared, and commented on the CDs that were in the museum.

"This one has really weird lyrics." she told me, pointing out an album by a fictional band called Reverend. "Have you ever noticed the lyrics in the songs?"

She opened up the jewel case and pulled out the lyric booklet to show me. Then she was listening to the album through her earbuds. Whether it was on a CD player, MP3 player, or what, I don't know. She also had the volume up so high that I could easily hear it, and wondered how she could stand it so loud. The song was actually 'When You're Gone' by Matchbox Twenty, and I was happily listening to it until my alarm went off, ending the dream.

The AI Experiment

So, I had a series of silly thoughts. What if scientists devised an experiment where people chat over a computer, and have to guess at whether they're talking to a real person or an AI chatbot? And what if some of the people in that experiment were saying really off-the-wall things, or asking questions like "How many Rs are in 'strawberry'?" in an effort to foul up potential generative-AI?

 

The Sibling/Pet War

My father grew up with a few siblings, which he had varied relationships with. He never really got along with his sister, and they frequently fought. And, as it turned out, some of their pets shared those sentiments.

At one point, he had a pet bird, I think a budgie. He'd occasionally take the bird from its cage and let it fly around the house. Occasionally it would perch on his shoulder and nibble affectionately at him.

His sister also had a pet, a cat who was friendly to her, but disliked my father. The cat would frequently attack him and trying to make his life miserable. Coincidentally, when my father's bird was flying around, it would often poop on his sister, much to her displeasure.

The Fishing Trip

When I was a kid, once Dad took me fishing. He packed up a bunch of fishing stuff, and we set out for the nearby lake. He parked the truck, and then we headed down the hill. The path was steep, so much so that I clung fearfully to Dad as we traversed the near-vertical trail.

 

We're Not Getting More Animals

We have a running joke in this family. It starts with my aunt saying, "After these pets die, we're not getting any more." Which is followed by getting more animals. And the cycle repeats, over and over again. We tease her about it. "Uh huh, sure, you're not getting any more pets. Just like the last twenty times you said it."

For example, my aunt's chihuahua. Originally she was my cousin's dog, but my cousin went out a lot, and the dog didn't much enjoy being out and about all the time. So the young chihuahua wound up bonding to my aunt instead, and remained in her lap until she reached a ripe old age. She finally died, and my aunt said she wasn't going to have another chihuahua. That was the only one.

 

The beginning of a tiny dog dynasty.

Teleportation

Sometimes I think about how cool it would be if we could just teleport. It would certainly make things more convenient at times. Think of all the things you could do with that ability! Think of all the time, effort, and money saved!

You really need milk, and the shampoo bottle is getting low, but the snow and ice is a mile high and nobody bothers to plow the side roads. Just teleport to and from the grocery store, problem solved.

You'd like to visit your family in Florida more often, but it's a twenty-week drive over there, and flying is expensive and an enormous hassle. (What do you mean, I can't take a water bottle larger than half an ounce? That's about one mouthful.) Just pack a couple of bags and teleport to their doorstep. Oh dear, forgot to pack socks. Ah well, just make a quick trip to your dresser back on the other side of the country and come back again.

Also, you've always wanted to visit Scotland, but who wants to spend sixteen hours crammed in economy seating with some stranger practically sitting in your lap? With teleportation, you can cross the Atlantic in the time it takes to cough three times.

 

Horrible Things in Commercials

Do you ever look at commercials and think, "Man, that's the stupidest thing I ever saw in my life"? Whether the product itself is ridiculous, or the way it's advertised is just awful, sometimes we witness the most ridiculous things in advertising.

Finally, a decent ad.

Homeowner's Association

The Homeowner's Association. The villain in many a story. You must all paint your houses the same shade of beige, you must keep your grass at precisely this height, you must not keep your rusty old junker on cinder blocks in the front yard. So unreasonable, right? And for all these wonderful features, you get to pay a hefty HOA fee!

Which brings me to the point of my story: What if someone lived in an area that had a Homeowner's Association, and went out of their way to annoy the HOA? My friend and I were talking about this some time back, and I went on a rather ridiculous monologue.

 

School Days Vs Adulthood

In many ways, adulthood and school days seem very different. But in other ways, they feel similar. Today's post is about grown-up things that feel remarkably similar to annoying stuff you had to deal with in school.

 

Everything Happens At Once- A Tale of Expiration

It's a lovely time of year. Winter is coming to an end, and there are exciting holidays like Valentine's Day, Half-Price Chocolate Day, and St. Patrick's Day. It's a time of change, a time of new life. Robins perch in the trees, ants tromp through the house... Wait, what. Hand me that can of Raid, would you?

Anyway, it's a time of many things. So much can happen. Including the possibility of... every blasted thing happening at once. At least, it was this year. Grab some popcorn to eat, or some rotten fruit to throw, because it's a wild ride.

It's the Neverending Story...

The Key to Never Going Anywhere

Back when I was a teen, one day my mother and I were planning to go out somewhere. I think we were going shopping, I don't recall exactly.

Anyway, there was a major hindrance to our plan: we couldn't find the car keys. They had vanished, and we couldn't find them anywhere. Mom and I were combing the house, trying to locate the missing objects, for what seemed like ages.

Library Book Sale

Some time ago, I made a blog post about things you might find at a second-hand store, like tap shoes and drum sets. Today, I'll be showcasing interesting, weird, and random things I've seen in book sales at my local library.

 

Yes, my library actually had this.

The 2020s- A Recap of Horrors

So, 2026. It's the weirdest time, it's the worst of times. It's a time of misery, a time of complaining. A time of horror, a time of "What on God's green earth is this???"

Really, this whole decade has been crummy. We started off 2020 with a weird virus, a quarantine that disrupted the entire flow of the universe, a random war, and a number of other crazy things. Even now, several years later, it still feels like we're looking at the after-effects of that quarantine. It changed the way society functions, the way people think and behave... On some level, I feel like we've become increasingly divided, increasingly isolated, and just... Sometimes I say we have an anti-social society. Then, of course, we have all the places that closed down because of the disaster that was 2020, many of them smaller businesses.

And it's not just that. We've had a lot of other turmoil. It seems like there's always something horrible to be reported in the news. Sometimes I see things online and just think, "How is this real. This can't possibly be real." All I can say is that I am not proud to be an American. If anything, I'm ashamed. Heck, these days, sometimes I don't want to be a human being at all. What if I was an amoeba, blindly squelching through life, unthinking, unaware of the world around me. Seems a lot simpler.

 

Wee hee hee, I'm a microscopic blob!

Horrifying Foods

I watched a video where a guy tried some odd foods, and aside from the toast sandwich, they were all awful. There was a bizarre recipe involving cranberry sauce, fruit-flavored gelatin, and mayonnaise, which he described as looking like dog food. And you know, it kind of did. Upon trying the nightmarish thing, he found it so unspeakably disgusting that he rushed off-camera, presumably to make retching noises.

Anyway, I thought I'd make a blog post about foods that sound unappealing. Whether it's crazy videos, odd images floating around on social media, or things we see at the supermarket, we come across some strange or unappealing foods sometimes.

How to Have a Yard Sale in Montana

Man years ago, my mother and older brother went to Montana to visit my grandmother, who was planning to have a yard sale. The day they were getting things set up, it was blazing hot. Sweat poured from them as they worked to get everything done. One of my uncles, who lived nearby, came by and disconnected the heater, since the weather was getting so warm.

 

Finally, they finished setting up. They went to bed that night, and would start the yard sale tomorrow.

Well, tomorrow came, and it wasn't hot. In fact, great quantities of snow had fallen, and it was like the Arctic Zone outside. My poor family huddled in the garage, the door only partially open, trying to keep from freezing solid. My uncle came over again and reconnected the heater that they thought wouldn't be needed any more.

 

Did Nick Seluk ever live in Montana? Seems accurate.

Despite the weather, they actually made some decent sales. And some of the first things to go were the items that my grandmother wasn't sure would sell. One person bought a camp toilet for their fishing trips. Another person bought the regular toilet to use as a planter in their garden.

Real-Life Mythical Things

We've all consumed a lot of media in our time. TV shows, movies, books, songs... And in these things, there are sometimes stories including everyday things. Or at least, everyday to some. Today's blog post is about common things, or supposedly common, that not everyone has actually experienced.

You mean, you don't have weird beaver-duck hybrids with venomous spurs where you live? Inconceivable!

Three-Breakfast Chloe

A while back, my cousin woke up early, decided she'd feed the cats while she was up, then went back to sleep.

Later on, her partner got up, and both cats started begging for sustenance. He thought, "Well, Chloe always claims she's hungry, but if Ozzy is asking for food, then they must not have eaten." So he gave the cats their breakfast.

 

Oh woe! I am starving!

Not long after, this conversation occurred.

"Hey, I fed the cats for you."

"...But I fed them already."

Chloe has a reputation for trying to take Ozzy's food, so we assume she wolfed down her breakfast, then stole Ozzy's. So he was hungry, and my cousin's partner assumed they hadn't been fed yet. And Chloe, the queen of gluttons, got three breakfasts.

 

Yeah, you don't need any more food.

 

Very Superstitious... (epic music)

Writing on the wall...

Often we have little superstitions, things we do or don't do because we feel it'll have some impact on our luck. Even if there's no logical reason why it would affect things, we still stare really hard at the thrown pokeball, willing the lugia to stay inside the capsule with all our might. We avoid going anywhere or doing anything on a certain day, because things never go right then. Today's blog post is about those personal superstitions we have.

 

The Thanksgiving Plague

Some years ago, it was November, and my mother and I planned to go to my aunt's for Thanksgiving. It was just the two of us, so it didn't make sense to make a big dinner at home.

As the holiday approached, however, things changed. Mom came down with sort of cold or flu, and was miserable. She coughed, she hacked, she blew her nose. She stayed in bed, and wasn't interested in doing much of anything, even eating. At one point, she decided she was going to get up and go into the living room. She stayed out there for about an hour, then went "I'm going back to bed." I also commented that we probably didn't need the central heat on, because Mom was radiating plenty of heat.

A gamer's depiction of how high the fever was.

High School Shenanigans- Part 2

I have a ton of stories about high school, so I thought I'd split things up in two posts. This was an era of feral teenagers and near-death experiences. I swear, one of the boys in my class did so many crazy things, it's a wonder he survived to adulthood.