Teleportation

Sometimes I think about how cool it would be if we could just teleport. It would certainly make things more convenient at times. Think of all the things you could do with that ability! Think of all the time, effort, and money saved!

You really need milk, and the shampoo bottle is getting low, but the snow and ice is a mile high and nobody bothers to plow the side roads. Just teleport to and from the grocery store, problem solved.

You'd like to visit your family in Florida more often, but it's a twenty-week drive over there, and flying is expensive and an enormous hassle. (What do you mean, I can't take a water bottle larger than half an ounce? That's about one mouthful.) Just pack a couple of bags and teleport to their doorstep. Oh dear, forgot to pack socks. Ah well, just make a quick trip to your dresser back on the other side of the country and come back again.

Also, you've always wanted to visit Scotland, but who wants to spend sixteen hours crammed in economy seating with some stranger practically sitting in your lap? With teleportation, you can cross the Atlantic in the time it takes to cough three times.

 

 

Of course, then I started thinking about the other things that could happen with teleportation. For example, what if everyone could teleport? How might life be different? I mean, for starters, things like cars, trains, subways, and planes wouldn't be as common. Slow methods of transport compared to good old teleportation.

It would affect plenty of other things, too. For example, have you ever gone to a store, only to find it's crazy-busy, and people are everywhere, and they're all standing in the middle of the aisle, blocking the entire route of travel and being completely oblivious to the fact that they and their shopping cart take up space? You've only been in Wal-Mart about five minutes, but you're already on the verge of committing murder. You just can't stand it any more. You're fed up with this. Forget shopping. You'll come back another day. You don't even want to try fighting your way back to the entrance. (poof)

Or maybe someone's been working a really crummy job, and they're sick of it. They start loudly ranting and waving their arms, going on about how badly they've been treated, and swearing up and down that they'll never work on a joint like this ever again, or shop at any of these stores, or even set foot in them, so help them God. They're done with this place forever, and THEY'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!!! And then they vanish into thin air.

 

 

It would certainly be an interesting world to live in. Imagine getting a call that your kid skipped algebra class and teleported to a candy store in the next county. And imagine all the times people would just nope out of a situation and vanish without a trace. Like that uncomfortable, boring party where you didn't really know anyone, and you suddenly realized you'd rather organize your sock drawer than spend another moment there.

Granted, it would make tracking people down more difficult. The police would hear of a bank robbery in Modesto, California, and by the time they arrive to investigate, the thieves are somewhere in Peru. And who knows where your 13-year-old went when they announced that they were running away because you wouldn't let them buy that M-rated video game. (As it turned out, they went to their friend's cousin's house three hundred miles away, because Trent said that his aunt and uncle let their kids play whatever games they want. That was a lie, and now your son's suffering the stern gaze of Trent's Aunt Edna and the threat of, "Just wait until your parents get here. And no teleporting your way out of this one.")

Really, a world where everyone can teleport would be a crazy one. All the same, though, I wouldn't mind teleporting to a friend's house that's ordinarily a billion miles away. Or to some cave in the middle of the woods when I feel like being a hermit and avoiding all of humanity. Cheaper than buying a big property and putting thirty-foot walls around the perimeter when the neighbors are yelling and blasting some non-descript rap about -censored- and (bleep). And hey, maybe I can bring some souvenirs back on my next trip to Wales.