Do you ever look at commercials and think, "Man, that's the stupidest thing I ever saw in my life"? Whether the product itself is ridiculous, or the way it's advertised is just awful, sometimes we witness the most ridiculous things in advertising.
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| Finally, a decent ad. |
Sour Cream Sins
There's a commercial for Daisy sour cream, and it shows people putting sour cream on all sorts of food. At one point, a woman even takes a strawberry, dips it in sour cream, and eats it. I mean, dipping a strawberry in Cool Whip, that makes sense. But sour cream??? No. That is a crime against fruit.
Charmin
Ah, yes. The commercials about a bear's favorite toilet paper. Bears complain about the 'inferior' toilet paper, and have bits of it stuck to their furry hindquarters. Then they try the wonderful, perfect Charmin, and they no longer have bits of paper on their rear ends. Of course, this raises the question: who wanted to see bears with toilet paper stuck to their butts in the first place.
Mystery Products
Lately, we keep seeing this commercial for a product. People say it's great. They make it sound like it's some revolutionary product that's changed their lives. It's made them happier, healthier. Their mother's been using it for years, and it's the reason she's lived to be 126 years old. One man says it cured his blindness, and another person was able to leap out of their wheelchair and start doing the electric slide.
...Okay, I exaggerate. A lot. But every ad featured people talking it up like it was such a wonderful thing. And they never seemed to say what the product actually was. We saw some of the people holding an object in their hands, but we weren't sure what it was.
Finally, Mom discovered what the mystery product was. "It's a $*#!^@% shower head." The wonderful, marvelous, amazing product... was the most mundane thing ever.
If the Illness Doesn't Kill You...
Every TV commercial for a prescription medicine is like...
"Side effects of Deathia include flu-like symptoms or sores, rash, sinus infections, ear infections, toothache, swollen gums, blurry vision, rapid heartbeat, kidney failure, hair loss, shortness of breath, weight gain, swollen ankles, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stuffy nose, sore throat, gas, loss of appetite, depression, suicidal thoughts, changes in personality and behavior, hallucinations, insomnia..."
"Wow! I feel so much better since I started taking Deathia!"
And they're all dancing around and smiling, and singing the praises of this miracle drug that makes your teeth fall out and your eyeballs turn to jelly.
Many years ago, when I was a child, there was a nasal spray for treating allergies, or something like that. Then the side effects were things like sinus infections and nosebleeds, and I couldn't help but think, "Is that really much of an improvement? You're still having a hundred issues with your nose, just different kinds of misery."
Goodbye, Solar Panel
I saw a commercial advertising a generator, and they offered a solar panel to go with it. It was a tiny, flimsy thing, and I couldn't help but think about the wind we get where I live. Sometimes we have tremendous gusts, and I highly doubt that solar panel would do well if a 40 mph gust hit it. It's shaped like a sail and probably weighs two milligrams. Undoubtedly, it would take flight and be halfway to Portugal before you could say 'jackknife'.
Cuties For Not-So-Cuties
They used to have these commercials for Cuties, where the kids would act like major brats until they were given these tiny oranges. Mate, if you're gonna act like that, you don't get a snack. You can go to your room until you can act like a human being.
(thinks about all the toys and books in their room)
On second thought, go into the boring grown-ups' bedroom for your time-out.
+10 Cleaning Skill Bonus
So, let's take a moment to discuss advertisements for cleaning products. It seems like a lot of them show the most absurd things.
"With the inferior product, things just don't get clean! But with our superior miracle worker product, even the toughest stains vanish instantly!"
And generally, the inferior product is demonstrated by someone who has no idea how to clean anything. They seem to barely try, or they're totally inept. I swear, one of these days I'm going to see someone trying to clean the kitchen floor while holding a mop upside down.
And of course, there's also the unrealistic job their own stuff does. Baked on grease? Rust? Hard water? Twenty years' worth of soap scum? Just very lightly run a cloth or sponge across it, and it's instantly gone. Perhaps what they're really advertising is false promises, magic tricks, special effects, and a bottle of snake oil.
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