King Canine

Yesterday, I had an intriguing thought. If an important ruler were cursed and turned into an animal of some sort, how would the situation be dealt with? Would the government try to cover up that the king was now a dog? Would they make the servants swear to secrecy? And how would the family react? After all, the queen's husband now has a tail and floppy ears, and the crown prince finds the awkward situation of his father literally barking a lecture at him.

And imagine what people would have to do in order to hide this problem. Claim that the king is stepping out of the public eye. If guests come over, they'd have to claim he was ill and that's why they couldn't see him.

How would the victim react to this? He can no longer speak, which he may frequently forget, resulting in people randomly being whined and barked at. Plus, the awkward change in how his meals are served. Imagine a royal dining hall with a dog sitting on a chair, front paws on the table as he eats off a plate. And no silverware, either, certainly a change from the typical dignity and etiquette of a royal. And getting used to walking on all fours could take some getting used to.

In case you're wondering where this brilliant idea came from, look no further. 

Super Mario Bros 3, NES version. The king's so much cuter as a dog, don't you think?

It Doesn't Exist

Here's a terrific fun fact for today.

Bielefeld on April Fools' Day: We exist! Ha ha ha!
...Why does no one believe us?

This, of course, brings up all sorts of philosophical questions. Why keep Bielefeld, Germany a secret? Is there a secret Area 51 they want no one to know about? Is it a town made entirely of gelatin, and they didn't want the public to learn about it, lest they eat it all and the town be no more? Or is it a hoax, and they're claiming this mythical place is actually real?

Library Garden

My friend and I went to the library a week or so ago. It was only about a mile away, she said, so we could just walk there. So we left, on our journey to the library. It turned out to be longer than we thought, closer to two miles, so we walked for about forty-five minutes to an hour. The best part was when we passed a rotating sprinkler. My friend saw her opportunity, and ran across. I foolishly followed her, and the sprinkler hit me in the ear. She laughed at me for a long while.

We arrived there, and the two bookworms were in heaven. I wanted to get a library card, but I didn't have an ID card. I have applied for one at the DMV, though, so when it arrives, I'm going to check out that interesting book I found and started reading, along with about a billion others I'm sure to discover when I explore further.

There was a garden outside the library, which my friend wanted me to see. It had tons of roses, her favorite flower, so she was happy. And it smelled wonderful, too. I had brought my camera, so I proceeded to take over a hundred photos. (I'm not even kidding.) I was playing with the camera settings, seeking the perfect picture to do justice to the awesomeness. My friend got bored waiting for me, and sought refuge on her phone.

Land of Scorpions

Enclosed are directions for living in an area plagued by scorpions.

1. Walk around the house and suddenly feel a stabbing pain.
2. Find a scorpion in the region you were walking, lying flat on the floor to divert suspicion.
3. Pick up a shoe and smash the offending creature, then clean up the remains.
4. Wash hands to remove any traces of arachnid guts.
5. Dry hands on a terry cloth scorpion.
6. Repeat steps 3 and 4, then use a safe hand towel.
7. Search every nook and cranny of the house for more scorpions.
8. Satisfied that you're safe, lie down on the couch or bed.
9. Be stabbed in the face by a pillow.
10. Repeat steps 3 and 4, grumbling all the while.
11. Go to bed, your dreams plagued by giant scorpions with glowing red eyes.
12. Wake up and get dressed.
13. Scream in agony and throw shirt across the room.
14. Repeat steps 3 and 4.
15. Fantasize about living in the Arctic Circle, where it's too cold for scorpions to thrive.
16. If you didn't move to a scorpion-free region, start over at step 1.

For more information about living among scorpions, please consult Choose Words Carefully and It's Raining Arachnids.

Great Titles For Story Fragments

As I'm writing, I sometimes find myself removing scenes or bits of dialogue because they don't work there. If it's a really nice excerpt, however, I save it onto a separate file in case I find a use for it later. Other times, I do the reverse. I'll have a great idea of for a scene or dialogue, but nowhere to put it at the time. So I create a file for this occasion, and I can refer to it later.

Naturally, I have to think of a name to remind me of what the file contains. This has led to some interesting file names, some of which are amusing or just plain weird. Enjoy the following list.