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Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Unrealistic Romantic Fantasies

Let's face, most people have them. We don't always want to admit that they're unrealistic or unreasonable, but nonetheless, they are. Below is a list of high expectations we often succumb to.
And for my future spouse, you'd better pay close attention to this list, so you can whip yourself into shape. I also expect you to know which things I made up, and which ones apply to me.



Instantly solve all your troubles!

Imagine this. A handsome young man, perhaps a wealthy prince or knight, comes riding in on his white steed. Instantly, your worries melt away. You feel complete, and never again feel sadness, fear, or pain at all. And he'll be rich, so no fretting about finances. Your life will magically fall into place will you meet him, too. It's like the fairy-tale ending you dreamed of when you were five.
(Ha ha, we wish.)

Disney film- Prince Charming kisses Cinderella's hand


They must share ALL of your interests.

And also hate the same things you do, with the same degree of passion. You wouldn't want to end up with a boyfriend or girlfriend that's obsessed with a TV series you think is the most boring thing in the world. Nor do you want them to hate fantasy if you dream of riding a dragon into the sunset.
Of course, I internally choked and shuddered at the thought of my future boyfriend not liking fantasy, so maybe I'm guilty of this. Just a little.
Wait a minute, Mark, you like McDonald's?! That's disgusting, we have to break up!


They must be perfect.

You'll never get annoyed with each other, whether about big things, or about trivial details like not rinsing off a knife before putting it into the kitchen sink. There'll never be an argument, or even so much as a respectful disagreement. Your future spouse will never make mistakes, either, or show any vices at all.


They will be gorgeous.

With a cute face, beautiful eyes, and dark hair. Or red, or blond, or whatever color you prefer in your dream man. Perhaps tousled hair; it can't be too short, because it has to be long and silky, the better to admire and stroke. Not a blemish or boil on our flawless Prince Charming. He must be the definition of 'tall, dark, and handsome'. And of course, his wardrobe is impeccable, and all serves to better accentuate his gorgeousness.
And apparently your future love is manufactured by Mattel, because they're now idealistic and unrealistic. Say hello to Barbie and Ken.

Barbie and Ken


All those little irresistible attributes!

They'll be talented in all those things you find awesome. Whether it's playing an instrument, fixing the whatchamacallit on the thingamabob (he explained it more intelligently, but all those technical terms went in one ear and out the other), or cooking (also a survival skill for him, because your idea of cooking is heating a frozen meal), you admire your fantasy boyfriend tremendously for it. They're also knowledgeable in many cool subjects, speak a foreign language, and have the most lovely accent.
Or if we really want to dive into fantasy, he's also secretly the prince of a small, obscure kingdom. Because this is a Hallmark movie now. Maybe he's a starving artist, famous country singer, snowboarder, or a nutcracker brought to life by Christmas magic. And he's the most romantic, polite, chivalrous dude you ever laid eyes on.


They can't have problems with (insert something here).

For example, my future husband had better love animals, and not be allergic to animal dander. He should also have no qualms with being buried in books, or music being played 24/7. (Oh, who am I kidding? It's a perfectly reasonable request, being surrounded by novels and songs.) Let's also hope they're not a clean freak, because I love procrastination. When I'm pet-sitting, I wait until I'm almost out of plates before I find motivation to wash the week's worth of stuff in the sink.

Sarper Duman playing piano keyboard with seven cats hanging out nearby.
Sarper Duman on Instagram.

As an added bonus, they must instinctively know whether you want company or want to be left alone in a deep dark cave of seclusion. And not be bothered or hurt if you want to scroll through Twitter, write stories, and not engage in direct human interaction.


There's your definition of a dream man or woman. Completely perfect and epically awesome, and totally unrealistic. You may have to settle for someone who procrastinates laundry, is prone to a short temper, and eats all the chocolate in the house. (Sorry, future husband.)

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