Being Single on Valentine's Day

Ah, Valentine's Day. A time when we're surrounded by white, pink, and red. A time when there are hearts, little stuffed bears/dogs/anything cute, flowers, and candy. For some people, this means buying trinkets and booking a reservation at a fancy restaurant.

Others, however, have no lover to reserve a table for, nobody to give a box of chocolate to. It could be they just went through a terrible breakup. Perhaps the relationship was destined not to be, and now their lover is frozen in ice and they've decided to become a nun. Maybe they've never been in a relationship, and long for the day when someone looks their way. Or maybe they're Jughead Jones, and only attracted to hamburgers.

Whatever the reason might be, here are some great responses for why you're not doing anything this Valentine's Day.

I'm in a relationship with my bed.

Come on, your mattress misses you, and your pillow is getting lonely. How you long for the warm embrace of your blankets again. It's a place to sleep, relax, read, watch TV, listen to music, play video games, or write a blog post on your laptop.

I'm in love with books.

Need I say more? Books are extremely important. And if it's a relationship you seek, there's always romance, so you can live vicariously through the characters.

Also, bed is a good place to read your books. You can lie there, all snuggly and warm, with "Howl's Moving Castle" or that unabridged copy of "Les Misérables" that will probably take you another month or ten to finish.

Sorry, I made a prior commitment to my dog/cat/guinea pig/etc.

Now, Kyle the lion is very jealous, and if he saw anyone flirting with me... Well, I'd hate to think what might happen to them. (huge cat snarls)

A public service announcement: don't actually keep lions, chimps, or other dangerous wild animals as pets. We'll just change our threat to something domesticated, like this guy.

But let's face it, pets are awesome. Whether it's the kitty that purrs when it sees you approach to stroke it, a dog who wants to lie on your lap, or the gryphon you like to ride high above the forest canopy, you can count on animals. And they're so cute and pettable. ('Pettable' is totally a word now, by the way.)

I'm going out with (Insert name here).

Pick any name you like, because it's your fantasy. You don't have to tell people that your boyfriend only exists in your imagination. Besides, you get the perfect guy this way. He's always there for you, has a great sense of humor, etc. Maybe he's based on a real person or fictional character, or completely made-up. Either way, you can honestly say that you're in a committed relationship.
Well, say it to fictional people who ask you that in fictional scenarios, that is... But let's not delve into specifics, shall we?


The characters are holding me hostage.

Note that this only works if you're a writer. Although other types or art could be explained by 'the muse is holding me hostage', I suppose. But anyone who's familiar with writing is likely aware of how characters demand our every bit of attention sometimes. We have a romantic date with Google Docs, we're meeting up with Pro Writing Aid for coffee, and we're going to spend all day with our beloved laptop. Well, that and the snacks necessary for all that writing and editing.

And that, folks, is what storytellers like to call 'the end'.