Good Traits in a Partner

We fantasize about what we'd like to see in our future husband or wife. But which traits do we really need? What things are important in a relationship?

And of course, this goes both ways. Finding a person who has these traits means nothing if you're judgmental, argumentative, and uncommunicative. A relationship is about mutual respect and trust, about getting along, and working things out when it gets hard.
Anyway, without further ado, here's a list of good traits to have in a partner.

You should be good friends.

A relationship isn't just about the gooey romantic stuff like curling up on the couch together, or having a handsome guy fan you with a palm frond and feed you peeled grapes. It's about being able to talk and hang out with each other, about sharing the same interests, about enjoying each other's company even in silence. You need someone you feel comfortable with, where it isn't awkward, you don't annoy each other all the time. If you can't interact like two good friends, then your relationship is all fluff and no depth.

They're patient and understanding.

If they're prone to blowing up, don't want to listen to reason or explanation, and are judgmental and overly critical, you'll have a long, hard road ahead of you. If you're constantly at odds with each other, the tension will only strain your relationship and mental well-being. You'll either be miserable and hurt all the time, or constantly angry and bitter towards them. People ought to build each other up, not tear each other down.

Tolerates your many quirks and flaws.

Let's face it, we all have them. Maybe we don't realize it's a potentially annoying quirk until you find yourself in a debate over what items belong in the top rack of the dishwasher. Or until you're told "You have to knock on wood now!" and something about the phrase 'knock on wood' irks you to no end.
It's the little things, like whether the toilet paper roll should be over or under, how to fold the laundry, or clearing your throat too often. We also take great pleasure in changing the radio station whenever a commercial plays or the DJ starts talking. And putting a good song on 'loop', then going on a writing binge and losing all sense of the universe, leaving said song to play for an hour straight.

Then we have that tendency to become cranky, evil monsters when hungry and/or tired. And putting together an entertainment center makes us snap at everything and everyone. (In our defense, there's about nine hundred complex steps, and construction is like a journey through Mordor while carrying the One Ring.) 

At the end of the day, you need somebody who can deal with you, and not spend an hour plotting ways to kill the annoying person who's smacking their lips or drumming their fingers incessantly. Slit your throat while you're napping on the sofa, that would be the way to do it. They want it to be fast, so you won't have time to yell for help and alert the neighbors of your untimely demise.
In short, you need someone who isn't bothered by your behavior patterns, so you're not murdered in your sleep.

Acts mature and doesn't make assumptions.

Rather than getting jealous about trivial stuff or jumping to conclusions, there's always the option of actually finding out what's going on. Sometimes we make guesses without much evidence to back it, or falsely predict how thing will turn out. This applies to life in general, really. But you don't want a possessive person who freaks out because someone asked you for directions to Wal-Mart, or thinks you're leading a double life because you forgot to tell them you were visiting your grandmother last weekend.
Then there's the Blame Game, and the Psychic Powers Game. "Why haven't you emptied the dishwasher yet?" "What? I didn't know it needed emptying!" We assume people know what's on our mind, then get angry when they had no clue. When someone doesn't make their thoughts or expectations clear, it leads to needless frustration, which leads to stress because you never know what will set them off.

They communicate well.

So many problems in relationships, whether in real life or in fiction, could be solved or avoided altogether if people just talked to each other. On multiple occasions, I've wanted to reach into the TV or book and slap somebody. It's all drama for entertainment purposes, but sometimes the whole keeping-secrets, can't-say-how-I-really-feel thing gets aggravating. And it always ends the same way: there's confusion, hurt, awkwardness, and other problems.
"Why didn't you tell me?" they say after being lied to.
"Don't you trust me?" they cry after finding out something that was withheld from them.

Then maybe they get in a fight, or break up. Either way, issues often emerge. It's generally that way in reality, too. So often, people keep information from others because they think it's too weird, or awkward, or they'll be judged. Maybe people don't spill your guts to every random stranger they meet, or confess their darkest times with an acquaintance. But this is the human they're going to spend the rest of their lives with. There needs to be trust and honesty, not a mask hiding what's really going on inside.
And one big problem is when a person tries to be someone they're not. You'll likely end up with the wrong person, feel led on and confused about who they really are, and it'll make everything complicated and hurtful. You can't found a relationship on lies. It's just an illusion made up of falsehoods, a house of cards that could tumble at any moment and then burst into flames.


It's not all about them.

If they make a big production of whatever's bothering them, but seem to brush off the problems you're facing, that's another issue. A person should take the time to listen to your troubles, and not try to turn things around and make it about them instead.
Another issue is if they constantly put themselves first, and everyone else second. If your partner is selfish and always makes themselves the center of attention, you may be better off with someone else.

Yeah, you got a promotion, whatever. But you should hear about the awesome thing that happened today to me!

They don't hold grudges.

If they're still bitter about the time you were ten minutes late or forgot to buy their shampoo while you were at the store, and hold your every mistake over your head, that's a major red flag. Being continually reminded of past errors, whether in a fight or just a passing remark, will do nothing good for your self-esteem.

They have a good sense of humor.

Whether on a good day or bad day, you need somebody who can laugh with you. Someone who can cheer you up during the hard times, someone who can find cheer themselves when things are going wrong. A person you can laugh with and have fun with is a good person to have.

You can count on them.

Whether it's encouraging you, supporting your interests and pursuits, or being there to comfort you during a rough patch, having someone dependable and caring is important. You need someone who will be there for you, strengthening you, caring about you, through thick and thin. If they bail when you need them most, or they disappear and shut you out after an argument, you may want to rethink how much you can rely on them.