Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Christmas Story- Redemption

Today, we're concluding the Christmas story. We discussed the fall of man, in which Adam and Eve committed the first sins, and a sin nature became a part of all of their descendants. Then Jesus, God's son, was born, and was referred to as a savior and messiah. In fact, Christmas is about celebrating his birth. But how is the fall of man connected to the Christmas story?

Friday, December 9, 2016

Christmas Story- The Coming of Christ

This December, we're exploring the Christmas story. Recently, we discussed when humanity first came into being, and learned of the fall of man. At first glance, some might wonder how this relates to the holiday season. Today, we'll discuss Christmas day itself, and what it is.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Christmas Story- Fall of Man

This month, we're going to explore the Christmas story. We wait impatiently for Christmas each year, and relish every moment of it when the holiday season finally arrives. But in all the rush and excitement, in all the shopping deals and flying reindeer, does everyone stop and think about what Christmas is about? In a series of posts, we'll focus on the reason for the season.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Car-Chasing Canine

When my mother was a child, her family had a German Shepherd named Tony. He loved chasing cars, which drove my grandmother crazy. She tried to teach him not to chase cars, but she wasn't having much success.
At one point, someone suggested attaching a long wooden board to his collar. It would get in the way when the dog tried to run, they explained, and the problem would be solved. My grandmother tried this method. When cars came by, Tony gave an expert flip of his head, and the board fell across his back. With the board out of his way, he continued running after passing vehicles.
One day, my grandmother was fed up with it. In anger, she was yelling at Tony and hitting him with a rolled-up newspaper.Tony lay there stoically as she hit him again and again, Then, seeming to decide he was tired of being hit on that side, he rolled over and offered his other side to my grandmother. She couldn't hit much more after that; she was laughing too hard to scold him.
From then on, all my grandmother had to do was pick up a tiny scrap of paper or even a Kleenex, say "Tony!" and the dog would go slinking off, knowing he was in trouble.

Friday, November 11, 2016

Wet Suit

A guy went on a trip to the beach. He rented out a wet suit, grabbed his surfboard, and headed down the crowded street to the beach.
When he got there, he was on his way towards the water when he heard some girls giggling behind him. He also noticed a rather unnerving breeze.
"Hey dude," his friend said, "you've got a tear in your wet suit."
"Yeah, I was just starting to figure that out." the man replied.
Holding his surfboard behind him to cover the tear, he proceeded to walk down the street again and stop by the rental shop for a different wet suit.
"And what I don't understand," he remarked later, "is why no one on that crowded street bothered to mention the hole in the seat of the wet suit."

Friday, October 28, 2016

Investigation of Crime Rates- part 4

Since my return to the United States, not much has changed. There is the unfortunate fact that no one recognizes me since having to change my name and appearance. The other day I saw myself in the mirror and thought someone had broken into my house. There is also the issue of needing to find a new crew for my private jet, seeing as my pilot no longer lives anywhere nearby, my flight attendant in enjoying a great life in Narnia and has no plans to return to the boring planet Earth, and my other flight attendant is still on his safari trip and hasn't been seen in years.

Friday, October 21, 2016

Investigation of Crime Rates- part 3

I flew through the air for a few days, narrowly missing flocks of birds, before the vehicle finally began to descend. Missing a pickup truck by mere inches, I landed with a great thump which jarred my brain greatly. I'm certain it ricocheted off my skull for a few minutes before finally coming to rest in its original position again. Hopefully the rental company wouldn't notice that huge cranium-shaped dent in the vehicle's roof.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Investigation of Crime Rates- part 2

One thing the car rental company neglected to mention was that the vehicle's previous owner was an eccentric old maniac. The man had owned the car since his third month in the womb, and therefore was very fond of it. He also had an affinity for muscle cars, so at one point he had taken the worn-out motor out of the vehicle and replaced it with that of a race car retired from the Indy 500.

Friday, October 7, 2016

Investigation of Crime Rates- part 1

As an detective, I'm always looking into things, making sure people are abiding by laws, and trying to find ways to make the United States a better country to live in. So when I heard that many places had a lower crime rate, of course I had to investigate it, to find out their secrets.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

How To Ruin a Book

 (beware of spoilers)

During Bible study, we were reading about David, and the various problems he faced. We began discussing flawed relationships, and I suddenly recalled a fantastic example of this.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

The Black-and-Gold Jacket

When my mother was a teenager, she had a black-and-gold jacket. It was old and ratty, and my grandmother hated it. My mother, however, liked the jacket. It had a tear in the lining which was the perfect size for her to hide a fifth of alcohol in, unbeknownst to her mother.
One day, my grandmother decided to dispose of the infernal jacket. Knowing that my mother would try to retrieve it, my grandmother didn't throw it away. Instead, she burned it.
Thus ended the life of the black-and-gold jacket.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Poop Candy

My uncle was looking after his young grandson, and they decided to get a snack. My uncle offered a popsicle to him, and his grandson replied, "No, I want poop candy."
This confused my uncle. What is poop candy? He told his grandson, "We don't have any of that."
"Yes, you do!" his grandson said.
"You're going to have to show me where it is." his grandfather said, still not knowing what he was talking about.
They walked into the kitchen, and his grandson pointed to a cabinet where candy was kept. My uncle pulled out various things, trying to figure out what his grandson wanted.
Finally, my uncle took out some Caramello bars, and his grandson said, "Yeah! That's it!" My uncle gave him the candy, and he happily munched on it.
When my cousin returned, my uncle asked her, "What is poop candy?"
My cousin laughed and said, "Well, I had some Caramello bars, and I didn't want to share them with the kids, so I told them it was candy to make me go poop."
"Well, now he calls it poop candy." my uncle said.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Turkey Sandwich and Chips

I went to a restaurant with my mother to eat breakfast. I decided I would have a turkey sandwich. The waitress asked me if I wanted fries or chips with it, and I told her I wanted chips. She wrote it down on her notepad, then headed into the kitchen.
A while later, my food arrived. After a minute or two, I realized that I had ordered chips, and instead I had French fries. I found this rather amusing. I pointed it out to my mother and said, "Well, technically I received chips."
Maybe I should order biscuits there some time. I'm hoping for chocolate chip.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Writer's Insanity

Writer's insanity is a strange and complex frame of mind which leads to a great number of things. It cannot be adequately described in just a few sentences, so today we will be exploring the concept of writer's insanity in a great number of lengthy paragraphs.
In summary, writer's insanity is just what its name suggests. It is a condition that writers become afflicted with when they are truly and deeply immersed in all things resulting to writing. This condition causes the writer to become obsessed with these aspects of writing, and to sometimes appear as though they do not have a firm grasp on reality or sanity. There are many specific symptoms of writer's insanity, just as there are many specific aspects of writing.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Writers' Dictionary

In this post, I have compiled a few things that are helpful to writers during their work, or to non-writers trying to understand their writer friends.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

How to Bug a Friend

In high school, I was sitting in the classroom one day when my friend entered, in a mischievous mood. She took a book I had lying on the table and ran off with it. I considered running after her to retrieve the book, but thought better of it. I would just be racing around outside for a long time, her dodging and me getting frustrated. So I remained seated and continued what I was doing. I figured she would eventually get bored and give the book back to me.
A while later, my friend returned. "I waited behind a tree for twenty minutes, and you never came!" she said indignantly. She was rather annoyed that she had spent all the time hiding from me, and I never even moved. I found it funny, but she didn't. Her reaction just made me laugh more.
Oh, and I got my book back, as I predicted.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Apartment Elevator

Some close friends of ours were living in an apartment complex. It was a rule there that children weren't allowed to ride the elevators alone, so the girls, children at the time, had to take the stairways. Their apartment was on the seventh floor. One of the girls, when she reached the apartment, would be panting and seem exhausted.
One day, one of the neighbors told her father that she had been taking the elevator to the sixth floor, then walking up the stairs to the seventh floor so it would look like she walked all the way up.
The next time she went out, her father sat on the steps to the sixth floor and waited for her. Eventually, the elevator opened, and there was his daughter. Upon seeing her father on the steps, she frantically pressed the buttons of the elevator to flee from him. The elevator doors didn't close quickly enough, and her father reached in and pulled her out.
"And I whooped her butt all the way up the stairs." her father recalled.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Finding the Car

A couple we know went to Wal-Mart. The husband parked the vehicle in front of the building so his wife could easily find it.
They finished their shopping and left Wal-Mart. The wife looked around in confusion. "Where's our car?"
The car was in plain sight. "Where do you think the car is?" her husband asked.
She continued looking around. "I don't know. I think we parked over there." She gestured at some distant parking spaces.
"Do you know what our car looks like?" her husband continued.
"Of course I know what it looks like!" his wife said in exasperation.
"Then where is it?" he said.

His wife has a terrible sense of direction. They have a blue car, and he said that if he parked next to a bunch of white cars, his wife still wouldn't find it. He joked, "There could be a neon sign with flashing lights saying, 'This is your car', and she still wouldn't find it. It could have her name on it, and she would say, 'Oh look, someone has my name!'"

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Desperate Climb

Once, when Dad was working in the Air Force, he grabbed a ladder and put it against the side of the plane. He began climbing the ladder without checking if it was secured first. As he reached the top, the ladder fell. My father scrambled frantically along the slick side of the airplane, trying to avoid falling with the ladder. A moment later, he was in the cockpit, his face bright red, staring down at the others with enormous eyes.
One of our friends who witnessed this said, "It's amazing what you're capable of when it's over a ten-foot drop to the ground." He joked that if anyone had looked closely at the plane, they may have seen fingernail marks from Dad's desperate climb.

Friday, July 22, 2016

German Taxi

My parents were celebrating their second anniversary. My father was stationed in Germany at the time and working on planes in the Air Force. They planned to take a taxi home after leaving the bar where they were at.
While my mother was standing outside the bar and waiting for a ride, a man began talking to her. They chatted for a few minutes, and the taxi arrived. My mother got into the taxi, and unexpectedly, the man got in as well. "I want my husband." Mom said.
At that moment, Dad arrived. "Excuse me." he said. Being very strong in his younger years, he took the man by the belt, pulled him out of the taxi, and got in beside Mom.

Friday, July 15, 2016

Water Bed

When my brother was young, he and our parents lived in a small home with poor insulation. One night, my mother was trying to get the heater working. Because of the way the air duct was built, it was sometimes difficult to light it and keep it lit. It was especially difficult that night, and my mother argued with it for a log while before she got it going. It was freezing in the house while she was fighting with the heater, so she was rather cold by the time she succeeded.
My mother returned to the bedroom, where my father was asleep. They had a water bed at the time, and when she got in, it rolled her right into Dad. When her frigid body hit him, he went from lying there sound asleep, to standing upright cussing a blue streak, instantly. My mother was laughing her head off at the situation.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Things About My Father

In this blog post, I've compiled some things about my father. At the time I'm writing this, June 17, things are looking bleak. I've scheduled this post to be published on July 9, my father's birthday. I want all these little bit of information to be remembered.

  1. Some of his favorite animals are dogs and wolves. He also likes some mythological creatures, especially dragons.
  2. He has a sarcastic sense of humor.
  3. He hates apricots immensely. The mere thought of an apricot causes him to make a disgusted face.
  4. He also doesn't like beets, black olives, or lamb. And he disliked scrambled eggs; they looked unappetizing to him.
  5. He sometimes says that he's a wealth of useless information. Come to think of it, so am I.
  6. When I was young and we were playing, he would let me put barrettes in his hair. He was bald on the top of his head, but I still managed to decorate the remainder of his head.
  7. The bottoms of his feet are extremely ticklish.
  8. His nose was broken when he was a kid, and it's been slightly crooked since.
  9. My nose is rather similar to his, except for the crookedness.
  10. He has a strong gag reflex, which unfortunately, I inherited from him. It makes going to the dentist fun, since they always insist on putting tools or their fingers as far back in your mouth as possible.
  11. He hates swallowing large pills, as do I. We're jealous of Mom, who can dry-swallow pills the size of a small planet.
  12. He's worked as an aircraft mechanic at a commercial airline for over twenty years.
  13. He hates working on airbuses; he thinks they're pieces of junk. 
  14. He has a side job as a locksmith.
  15. When he was a kid, he said he was a "snaggle-toothed monster". As a result, he had to wear braces. My teeth weren't as bad, though I also had to wear the accursed things.
  16. When I was a child, he would give me piggyback rides.
  17. He also taught me plenty of juvenile songs. For example, a couple of songs from an elementary school classmate of his. "Here we go, into the lunchroom yonder, pushing girls out of the way..."  "I'm dreaming of a white sheepdog, just like the one we used to own..."
  18. He enjoys eating blue hake, which Mom and I hate the smell of. Sometimes he puts malt vinegar on it, which we really don't like the smell of.
  19. He hates Ferris wheels. The way the seats rock back and forth unnerves him.
  20. He likes eating Atomic Fireballs, a type of hard candy.
  21. After getting his braces off, he no longer liked really sticky food like caramel and taffy.
  22. He loves German chocolate cake, Mounds bars, and many things that involve coconuts.
  23. When you become a parent, you lose some of your identity. No longer are you known by your real name. Instead, you're known as the parent of So-and-so. His personal favorite is "Mr. So-and-so's dad".
  24. He and Mom have always been rather close. When I get married, I want to have a relationship as close as theirs.
  25. He was bitten by a black widow spider once, and since then, he doesn't like spiders.
  26. Though ladybugs don't often bite people, they seem to consider my father a rare delicacy.
  27. Ticks don't seem to be interested in him. When he was a child, his siblings would get ticks sometimes, but he never did.
  28. He can only wear digital watches. Analog watches stop working when he wears them.
  29. Occasionally, he's snored so loudly he woke himself up.
  30. He's been known to talk in his sleep.
  31. When he was a kid, he would ride his bicycle out to the desert to look for snakes. He also had a habit of taking a long stick and bothering them, even the poisonous ones. The reckless things you do when you're a kid...
  32. Some things bond to him and won't work well for anybody else. For example, every time we get a popcorn popper, it only cooperates with Dad. When anyone else tries to use it, the kernels won't pop well. Also, his smartphone gives Mom and I a hard time when we try to use it. Of course, Mom and I aren't good at using cell phones anyway, so perhaps that's a contributing factor.
  33. He hates the phrase "back in the day". He says, "Which day? Pick one!"
  34. He falls asleep at the drop of a hat. Many times, people would be talking to him, then get a snore in response. While in the Air Force, he once fell asleep standing at attention. Another time, he fell asleep sitting up, holding a drink on his hand. My mother and her friend fought over who would take the picture.
  35. When I was a child, he would sing to me. One of my favorite songs to hear was "Kumbayah". As a bedtime song, he would sing part of the song "Adios, Au Revoir, Auf Wiedersehen" by Lawrence Welk & His Orchestra. The lyrics seem bittersweet to me right now, and threaten to bring tears to my eyes.
  36. He likes role-playing and fantasy video games.
  37. He enjoys reading fantasy, mystery, horror, and science fiction books.
  38. When he got older, his eyebrows started growing in all directions, so Mom trims them occasionally. We joke that his eyebrows are like Mr. Carson's from "Downton Abbey".

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Nonsense Story

This is a rather nonsensical story my father told to me. He said his mother told it to him, and he wants the story to be passed down in the family.

One bright day in the middle of the night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and came to kill the two dead boys.
If you don't believe my tale is true,
ask the blind man, he saw it too.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Final Update

My father passed away on Saturday, June 18, at 6:15 a.m. Thank you for your concern and your prayers during the last few weeks.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Latest Update on Dad

Today the hospital said my father needs a kidney transplant as well as the liver transplant. He still has a lot of fluid in his lungs. They said they may have to take him into hospice.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

The Invisible Man

My brother went somewhere to eat. He picked up the ketchup bottle to use it, made sure that the lid was on securely, then shook it up. The lid flew off anyway, and he dumped ketchup all over the side of his head, on his back, and everything around him.
People nearby were rather confused at the ketchup everywhere, wondering where it had come from. Nobody noticed the unfortunate man covered in red glop.
As a waitress walked by, my brother asked if he could get a towel. She looked at him with shock, finally realizing where the ketchup had come from. She hurriedly got a towel for him, and he cleaned himself and the wall behind him. The waitress then brought him a different bottle of ketchup, and told him it was pre-shaken. "Thanks." my brother said wryly.

It's amazing; everyone sees the mess, but no one sees him. Once again, my brother is the invisible man.
In fact, when he goes shopping with people, they occasionally lose him. He'll stop or go down another aisle to look at something. When they notice he's gone and look for him, they can't find him, even if they walk past the aisle he's in. Over six feet tall, and he's invisible.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Update on Dad

They returned my father's potassium level to normal a while ago. However, they're saying he should be put on the liver transplant list soon, since he has liver cirrhosis.
He's been rather tired the last few days, and sleeps most of the time. He's retaining water again and is bloated, so they put him on dialysis today. When they did that, his blood pressure dropped considerably, so they'll have to do a slower dialysis.
The doctors think his kidneys are still failing because his liver isn't working well. They planned to transfer him to another hospital and try to get him on the liver transplant list as soon as possible.

My father has fluid in his lungs again, and his vocal cords aren't closing like they should, so the fluid is getting in his airway and vocal cords as well. They put him on a respirator to help him breathe, and he's still on the dialysis machine.
They still want to get him on the liver transplant list. However, they need to get the fluid out, and his breathing needs to improve so they can take him off the respirator. His liver has to be serious, but he also needs to be considered strong enough for surgery before he can be on the list. 
Just continue to pray for him, that he'll get better soon. And for all of us, trying to deal with the tumultuous events of the last few weeks.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Back in the Hospital

My father is in the hospital again. His potassium level was too high, so he went into kidney failure. They've returned his potassium to normal, but he has pneumonia and other health issues. Just keep him in your prayers that he continues to improve.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Types of Editing

In writing, there are three types of editing, with differing levels of severity. Today, we will explore the three forms of editing.

Minor editing is precisely what its name suggests. Minor editing involves some details like spelling and grammar issues, and a few things that could be phrased better.

Major editing is another story entirely. (No pun intended.) In major editing, the writer goes through their story more thoroughly, concentrating on those clunky sentences, obsessing over whether the dialogue is believable and flows well, whether things were explained well in this chapter.

Friday, May 6, 2016

Memories of Love

In a conversation I was having with my friend, we began discussing a movie we had seen.
In the film, a woman had lost much of her memory. She didn't even recognize her own children. During one scene, her son, bitter about everything that had happened, was talking to her. She had believed in God, kept her faith even in times of trouble. And now, he said, look what had happened to her. He lived his life completely differently, and things had gone well for him. In fact, throughout the movie, he had proved himself to be self-centered, unkind, uncaring. The man asked his mother, not expecting any real answer, what was the point? He lived selfishly as a bad person, and his life was good; she lived selflessly as a good person and she was an invalid who didn't remember her own family.
To his surprise, the woman answered him, giving a spiritual-oriented explanation to what he had said. Her words proved that she had not forgotten everything of her life; she still had her love for God. There was much she could not recall, but her faith in the Lord, her knowledge of His word, was still there in her mind.

Monday, May 2, 2016

Camp NaNo vs. Q

During the month of April, I made it my goal on Camp NaNoWriMo to write 30,000 words. I worked feverishly, sometimes writing three or four thousand words in a day. I was determined to accomplish this enormous goal I had made for myself. Although I admit there were a few days when I could have worked on my stories but didn't, I made a fair amount of progress.
April 30 came. This was my final day to reach my goal. I had 28,748 words written, and was so close to reaching my word count goal. Nothing could stop me now. Absolutely nothing.
When I went into the living room to eat dinner, my mother was commenting on the great episodes of 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' that were on that day. I started watching the shows, of course. The episode ended, and I was thinking to myself, Okay. Now I have to work on my story.
"Hey, I think this is the pilot episode." Mom said. "I haven't seen this in ages. It's a two-part, and it's really good."
Needless to say, I didn't reach my goal of 30k. And it's entirely the fault of BBC America. If they hadn't played all those wonderful episodes, I would have become the Camp NaNoWriMo champion.

Saturday, April 30, 2016

Comprehension

While sitting in classroom before Bible study started, one of the men walked into the room. He told his wife something, explaining it in a confusing manner that made no sense to her or I.
"Anyway, I have to go." he said before leaving the room.
"I don't know what that was about." his wife said to me. "I think it has something to do with Communion."
"Just nod and smile." I jokingly advised her. "'I don't know what you're saying, but I'm just going to nod and smile.'"
Those two teach an important lesson. The secret to a successful marriage is- communication.

Friday, April 22, 2016

Clueless Story Characters

How many times have you been enjoying a story, and you know what's happening in the plot while the character doesn't? Or they think they know what they're doing, and you believe otherwise.

Character:  "Let's take shelter in this cave."
Me:  "The axe murderer is hiding in that cave! Don't you people ever watch horror movies? You should know better than that!"

Obviously, this is extremely annoying, and you wish you could jump into the book, tv show, movie, etc., and give them advice. Or scream at them for being so oblivious, whichever you prefer.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Things Worse Than Cough Syrup

Let's face it, cold medicine and other medications taste bad. Many entertaining, disgusted faces have been made while drinking a vile liquid that almost makes stuffed noses and fever seem good. At times like these, it's important to remember something important: it could be worse. So let's explore some of the things that are worse than taking a putrid medicine.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

The Frustration of Free Will

During Bible Study, we were discussing a myriad of things about the passage we were reading. At one point, we were talking about arguments and how that prevents people from working together, and I randomly started laughing. It described the current situation in my story perfectly.
When you're writing, you create characters. Their personality and backstory starts to take shape in your mind. A character is both a part of the writer, and separate from the writer. They exist in the writer's mind, reflecting various aspects of the writer's own personality, but also reflecting things the writer is not. Sometimes, the characters become somewhat of their own individual. This means that the character will not always do what you expect them to, or what you want them to.
For example, my main character and his baby dragon are traveling with two people. One person is fine with them, while the other doesn't want to be traveling with them. She hates dragons, and she doesn't like or trust the stranger who brought this dragon with him. I want her to warm up to these characters and realize they're not so bad after all, but something inevitably happens, and they end up arguing again. I set up scenarios that might lead somewhere good, and the characters make it ugly. Finally, my main character grew so tired of being berated and criticized, he decided to leave and go without them. Not what I wanted him to do.
I have all sorts of plans for my characters, but when I give them a chance to act, they take a totally different route. It reminds me of all the instances when God comes up with a master plan for us, and we try to do something else and mess things up. Just a small taste of the frustration He must feel when we think we know what's best for us. Now I have to find a way for my characters to return to the path they were supposed to be on.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Working With a Short Attention Span

Sometimes, my attention span cooperates with me. I sit down to write and am extremely productive. In a single day, thousand of words pour from me and onto the computer screen.
Other times, my attention span wanders. It becomes necessary to check my e-mail. And grab a snack. And wander around. And accomplish nothing productive. Sometimes, my attention span and I have rather interesting exchanges as I try to make it work with me and not against me.

Friday, February 26, 2016

Restless Innovation

When you're trying to write that perfect chapter, or finish that report for your boring history class, or other tasks, you occasionally run into a problem. The work needs to be done, but you can't seem to sit still. You keep getting up to get a snack, or check if the dishwasher is finished running, or you find yourself wandering aimlessly.
So how does one solve the issue of restlessness preventing you from working? There are a myriad of solutions to this. For example, consider buying several feet of rope, and tying yourself to your chair. This discourages getting up and straying from your work.
Another solution is to create a new way of working. Consider today's treadmills. You're walking and walking, with nothing to do but stare at the wall and perhaps listen to something if you brought a radio or music player. But what if we were to make some changes to the treadmill? If you were to install a platform in front of the treadmill, you could place a book or laptop on it. You could then finish your algebra assignment, balance your checkbook, or write a novel without restless energy distracting you from it.
Think about it. If such a thing were created and offered to the public at an affordable price, it could usher in a new, far more productive future. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get up and grab some Cheese Nips. I'll get to that novel eventually...

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Ridiculous Things Writers Say or Do

Writers often become absorbed in their stories, sometimes going so far that it begins to affect the person's words, actions, or sanity. Here are a few examples.

  1. "How the elfin and human traits are passed down is rather simple. Let me explain it to you." the writer says. Pulling out a marker, they begin making punnet squares on the whiteboard.
  2. "Well, I kept starting drafts, abandoning them, and starting another draft because it wasn't coming out right. I have several abandoned drafts of the same story. Then I forced myself to stick with one draft, or else I would never make any progress. Of course, I have writer's block on the story now, so I think the solution is to start another draft..."
  3. "Dragons, you see, are very fascinating creatures. They have telepathic abilities, can breathe fire, are warm-blooded, have hollow bones like a bird..." The writer prattles on, oblivious that they lost the attention span of their audience long ago.
  4. "I'm just doing some minor editing on this story." the writer says, heading toward their manuscript with a machete.
  5. "This editing program is great. It's really helping me to polish my story." the writer says. "Hey, what do you mean I'm wrong? Oh yeah? Well, I'm going to look it up, and I bet you're wrong!"
  6. "What did I do wrong, spellcheck? I thought I had this! (sob) Wait, never mind, you're right. I'm sorry I ever doubted- hey, that is too a word!"
  7. "So anyway, I was trying to find the replacement for the vacuum canister, and none of the stores had it, so- wait, that song lyric just gave me an idea for a story!" Before anyone can stop them, the writer races off to write down their idea.
  8. :"This entire story stinks! I can't do this! I'm a horrible writer! I should just give up!" The writer storms away from their computer, looking livid. Thirty minutes later, they return and are feverishly working on a poetic, descriptive short story of wondrous beauty.
  9. "I'm just going to write something short." the writer says. Then their work become five times longer than they had anticipated.
  10.  "I've been away from my computer for three days. I can't stand it any longer." the writer says, twitching. "I must go back to my writing! I can't be away from my characters a second more!" The writer lunges for the computer keyboard and vanishes into a fantasy world.
  11.  "Hey, that reminds me of something in my story." the writer says. Their friend gives them a funny look and replies, "Everything reminds you of your fantasy story. The other day you saw a cloud that looked like your main character."

Friday, February 5, 2016

Luck

Sometimes people have some really great luck. I mean, they couldn't be any luckier sometimes, even if they wore a shirt made of four-leaf clovers, and were picking up pennies all the time, and had a house filled with horseshoes.

For example, there's Shane, one of the people I know from church. One of the boys was goofing around, and just for fun, picked up Shane and tried to flip him. Unfortunately, he messed up somehow, and instead Shane fell, and his head collided on the edge of a concrete slab. For a brief moment we all looked at Shane on the ground, the concrete chipped where his head hit it. Then he got up, seeming unharmed. There was no shattered skull, no concussion, no blood. A bit of hair came out, and that was it. He was laughing about the whole incident. I'm quite certain that his head is indestructible.
Perhaps it gives that passage in Ephesians a whole new meaning. Put on the gospel armor, and even your friend accidentally dropping you head-first onto concrete shall not harm you.

Monday, February 1, 2016

If Characters Became Real, Vol. II

We've known plenty of fictional characters in our lives. We read about them in books, see them in movies and TV shows. However, what if those characters ended up in the real world? With characters living in other places, different time periods, or alternate realities, the possibilities are endless. In this post, we'll be exploring a few of these possibilities.
If anybody has suggestions for interesting scenes, please leave a comment.

Monday, January 25, 2016

What Babies and Young Children Can Teach Us

Infants and young children are quite new to the world, and are still learning about it. However, there are a few key things they often know that many adults do not.

  1.  If you have to do something unpleasant like get a dental checkup, you'd better get something good out of it, like a lollipop or a toy. More grown-ups would visit the doctor if they were rewarded with a coupon for a sundae at Baskin-Robbins.
  2. Clothing was invented so people could have wearable napkins.
  3. Maturity is overrated.
  4. Imagination is infinitely better than boring grown-up stuff like bills and algebra.
  5. The world is meant to be explored.
  6. Puddles are fun to jump in, and who cares about soggy socks?
  7. God created dirt for people to dig in, build things with it, and otherwise have fun with it.
  8. Half the fun of spaghetti is slurping the long noodles.
  9. If there is a cute, friendly animal, you must pet it.
  10. Everything is a toy that can be played with.
  11. If you look hard enough on St. Patrick's Day, you'll find a leprechaun.
  12. Imaginary friends are awesome.
  13. The messier the food, the more fun it is to eat.
  14. Snow is for playing games and building sculptures.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Instant Character- Just Add Water

When writing a story, characters find their way into the plot in different ways.

For example, you need a character to help your protagonist out of the predicament they got themselves into. So you craft a character, decide their appearance, choose personality traits, and whatever else seems important. Then you decide when you're going to put them into the story.

Then there's the instant characters. You need to have an interesting character, perhaps you should create one-

Saturday, January 16, 2016

VCR

While house-sitting for someone, I decided I would watch a movie. I took out the video tape, put it into the VCR/DVD combo, then set it to VCR mode. To my annoyance, nothing was happening. I pressed 'play', the TV was in the right mode, but I was having no luck.
At one point, I took out the video tape again. I then noticed that all of the tape was on the right reel. Hmm, maybe that means something. I thought sarcastically. I put it onto the machine again, then pressed 'rewind'. I then headed to the stove to continue making dinner.
After a few minutes, I began thinking that it was taking a long time to rewind. I glanced over at the television and saw the credits slowly going by in reverse. Exasperated, I went over to the VCR, pressed 'stop', then hit 'rewind' again.
So, five days after deciding to watch the video, I actually sat down and enjoyed it. If anybody has seen my brain, please contact me at 1-800-VCR-DUHH.