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Sunday, April 10, 2016

Things Worse Than Cough Syrup

Let's face it, cold medicine and other medications taste bad. Many entertaining, disgusted faces have been made while drinking a vile liquid that almost makes stuffed noses and fever seem good. At times like these, it's important to remember something important: it could be worse. So let's explore some of the things that are worse than taking a putrid medicine.

  1. Being kicked in the head by an irritable donkey.
  2. Letting stink beetles crawl all over you.
  3. Having a tooth extracted without receiving anesthesia, numbing agents, or strong painkillers first.
  4. In a magician's act gone horribly wrong, you're sawed in half.
  5. Having poison oak all over your body.
  6. Sitting through a really absurd, pointless, and/or sickening movie. (even worse if you paid money to watch that rubbish)
  7. Being trapped in a pit filled with highly venomous snakes, insects, arachnids, etc.
  8. A tarantula flicking belly hairs into your eyes.
  9. Being bitten by a brown recluse spider.
  10. Grabbing thistles or nettles with your bare hands.
  11. While on Isla Sorna, carnivorous dinosaurs eat you alive.
  12. Inching your way across a narrow path on the side of a cliff.
  13. Falling off a cliff.
  14. Have a really awful nightmare, then discover it's not a nightmare after all.
  15. In school, you're assigned to read a book that you absolutely hate.
  16. Find a scorpion in your shoe after you put the shoe on.
  17. Going to a restaurant with really awful food, horrendous or non-existent service, and an abundance of pests such as mice and roaches.
  18. Go to the store to buy a ton of groceries, and upon reaching the checkout lane, you discover you forgot your checkbook, debit card, and any other form of payment.
  19. Using a public restroom with no toilet paper, paper towels, or soap, and it hasn't been cleaned since the beginning of time.
  20. Discover you set up a campsite next to an enormous colony of fire ants.
  21. Accidentally drop a katana on your foot.
  22. You sniff the milk to see if it's still good, and realize it expired three years ago.
  23. After working outside, you go inside and relax on the couch, then discover you have a billion fleas on you, and now they're in the house.
  24. Embarrass yourself in some horrid way. The more people witness it, the better.
  25. Finding dead mice, and disposing of their rotting carcasses.
  26. Anything involving head lice.
  27. Wake up and see an enormous centipede on the ceiling directly above your bed.
  28. Smashing your toe so hard you lose the toenail.
  29. Twisting your ankle so badly you see purple-blue spots.
  30. Cook a pizza, then while taking it out of the oven, you accidentally drop it on the oven door, topping side down.
  31. After working hard on a long, arduous school assignment, you lose it in a freak accident, such as the essay flying out of the vehicle window, your baby sister dumps strained peas on it, or it's mistakenly run through a paper shredder along with the old bills and junk mail.
  32. Forget to put your lunchbox on the refrigerator during the weekend. Then your Thermos leaks, staining your school planner and causing the inside of your backpack to smell like spoiled salsa.

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