Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Ridiculous Things Writers Say or Do

Writers often become absorbed in their stories, sometimes going so far that it begins to affect the person's words, actions, or sanity. Here are a few examples.

  1. "How the elfin and human traits are passed down is rather simple. Let me explain it to you." the writer says. Pulling out a marker, they begin making punnet squares on the whiteboard.
  2. "Well, I kept starting drafts, abandoning them, and starting another draft because it wasn't coming out right. I have several abandoned drafts of the same story. Then I forced myself to stick with one draft, or else I would never make any progress. Of course, I have writer's block on the story now, so I think the solution is to start another draft..."
  3. "Dragons, you see, are very fascinating creatures. They have telepathic abilities, can breathe fire, are warm-blooded, have hollow bones like a bird..." The writer prattles on, oblivious that they lost the attention span of their audience long ago.
  4. "I'm just doing some minor editing on this story." the writer says, heading toward their manuscript with a machete.
  5. "This editing program is great. It's really helping me to polish my story." the writer says. "Hey, what do you mean I'm wrong? Oh yeah? Well, I'm going to look it up, and I bet you're wrong!"
  6. "What did I do wrong, spellcheck? I thought I had this! (sob) Wait, never mind, you're right. I'm sorry I ever doubted—hey, that is too a word!"
  7. "Anyway, I was trying to find the replacement for the vacuum canister, and none of the stores had it, so—wait, that song lyric just gave me an idea for a story!" Before anyone can stop them, the writer races off to write down their idea.
  8. "This entire story stinks! I can't do this! I'm a horrible writer! I should just give up!" The writer storms away from their computer, looking livid. Thirty minutes later, they return and are feverishly working on a poetic, descriptive short story of wondrous beauty.
  9. "I'm just going to write something short." the writer says. Then their work become five times longer than they had anticipated.
  10.  "I've been away from my computer for three days. I can't stand it any longer." the writer says, twitching. "I must go back to my writing! I can't be away from my characters a second more!" The writer lunges for the computer keyboard and vanishes into a fantasy world.
  11.  "Hey, that reminds me of something in my story." the writer says. Their friend gives them a funny look and replies, "Everything reminds you of your fantasy story. The other day you saw a cloud that looked like your main character."

1 comment:

  1. Yes, yes, yes! Numbers 6, 8, 10, 11... ah, never mind. All of them! *grin*