Friday, October 28, 2016

Investigation of Crime Rates- part 4

Since my return to the United States, not much has changed. There is the unfortunate fact that no one recognizes me since having to change my name and appearance. The other day I saw myself in the mirror and thought someone had broken into my house. There is also the issue of needing to find a new crew for my private jet, seeing as my pilot no longer lives anywhere nearby, my flight attendant in enjoying a great life in Narnia and has no plans to return to the boring planet Earth, and my other flight attendant is still on his safari trip and hasn't been seen in years.

Of course, I have discovered valuable information about how government rules and crime rates affect each other in different countries. I learned that there are several hundred laws made over the past few years regarding junkers with race car engines, flying vehicles, demolishing roads while going several hundred miles per minute, car rental companies like the one I used (the company has since then been sued and gone out of business), and detectives under my previous name. Many countries around the world have also made laws about hitting endangered species while flying through the air in a car, which might explain why I thought I saw the Great Wall of China and a caribou herd while airborne. Don't worry, I didn't hit any of the caribou, as they were miles below the car at the time. I deeply regret what happened to the butterflies, though.

If anyone would like to apply for the role of pilot in my private jet, please notify me, as I have been forbidden to pilot any airborne vehicles in at least five hundred countries, both in transportation means which are designated for flight and those which are not. If you're saying that there aren't even that many countries in the world, I might add that I have been forbidden to drive or pilot vehicles on multiple planets and solar systems.

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