Since my return to
the United States, not much has changed. There is the unfortunate
fact that no one recognizes me since having to change my name and
appearance. The other day I saw myself in the mirror and thought
someone had broken into my house. There's also the issue of needing
to find a new crew for my private jet, seeing as my pilot no longer
lives anywhere nearby, my flight attendant in enjoying a great life in Narnia
and has no plans to return to the boring planet Earth, and my other
flight attendant is still on his safari trip and hasn't been seen in
years.
Of course, I have discovered valuable information
about how government rules and crime rates affect each other in
different countries. I learned that there are several hundred laws
made over the past few years regarding junkers with race car engines,
flying vehicles, demolishing roads while going several hundred miles
per minute, car rental companies like the one I used (the company has
since then been sued and gone out of business), and detectives under
my previous name. Many countries around the world have also made laws
about hitting endangered species while flying through the air in a
car, which might explain why I thought I saw the Great Wall of China
and a caribou herd while airborne. Don't worry, I didn't hit any of
the caribou, as they were miles below the car at the
time. I deeply regret what happened to the butterflies, though.
If anyone would like to apply for the role of pilot
in my private jet, please notify me, as I have been forbidden to
pilot any airborne vehicles in at least five hundred countries, both
in transportation means which are designated for flight and those
which are not. If you're saying that there aren't even that many
countries in the world, I might add that I have been forbidden to
drive or pilot vehicles on multiple planets and solar systems.
No comments:
Post a Comment