My brain is a never-ending stream of "I should be doing this." I need to get out more. I need to find more people around my age. I need to start making more friends. I need to write more, I need to stop writing my blog posts last-minute (it's Tuesday night right now, and my blog post comes out seven hours from now). I need to go back to volunteering at the shelter, apply to more jobs. I need to do this, I need to do that.
After my internal monologue about the things I ought to be doing, guess what usually happens? I don't do it. "I'm not in the mood to write at the moment," I say. "I'll do it at a better, more convenient time," I tell myself. On and on it goes, and I don't do stuff half as much as I feel I should. On top of that, as my general mood gets worse, my desire to do things decreases. There are times when I just don't feel like doing anything.
Panic has grown in the last few weeks, to the point where people are now recommended to stay home. Things like 'self isolation' and 'quarantine' are being thrown around. Schools and businesses are shutting down. The pretty library near where I live is closed now. Restaurants only offer takeout now; you can't go there to eat any more.
And this is frustrating, really. I haven't been doing a lot of the stuff I plan to, or I don't do it often enough. But now that the options are taken away from me, it annoys me. Besides that, there's nothing that makes you want to do stuff more than being told you can't. Going to the library would be nice, too bad it's closed. Man, I'd like to go to this restaurant. Wouldn't it be great to see a movie?
Then there's people. The annoying life forms that make me not a people person. Where my brother works, they only stock certain items, like toilet paper, in the morning. They don't stock the items during the day, because customers are getting violent. Customers are also limited to two cases of water, because of the hoarding problems. And why do they need bottled water in bulk, anyway? It's not like the cities are going to shut off everyone's water supply. The irony of it is, people are going into crowded stores, in close proximity to a million other people, in order to stock up on supplies so they can avoid being in close proximity to people.
Media and I have a love-hate relationship right now. I actually have a long list of muted words on social media, just to avoid negativity and other stuff I don't want to see all over my feed. And in the past weeks, things about the outbreak are everywhere. Stuff about how badly it's spread, or what some politician had to say about it, or suggestions on we should be doing, or stupid things people are doing. ("Because people are inherently selfish," I think pessimistically.) And when you get away from social media and turn on the TV, there are commercials about it. But at least we can watch 'The Price is Right'... no, it's been preempted in favor of Trump's face, which I don't want to look at. (Let's face it, I never want to see Trump, or any other politician, for that matter, because I hate politics.)
Depending on my mood, I might be fine seeing or hearing some stuff about it. Other times, I feel like screaming, "Can we focus on something else? Anything else?! Can I have a break from it?" I get burned out on hearing about things that are unpleasant, about bad news or worry. And sometimes even the posts intended to lighten the mood only aggravate me. Things like "Hey, being forced to stay in, an introvert's dream come true." Even introverts need social interaction, people. Before long, a lot of those introverts are going to be bored and lonely. Sorry, folks, but I'm looking at things realistically. I'm the poster child for 'lonely introvert'.
And the thing is, no one really knows how long the insanity is going to last. The library plans to be closed for over a month, but it might be longer. Everything's ambiguous, up in the air, right now. Some of my family members were going on a trip, but now have to reschedule. The airline offered to let them pick a new date for their flight. "But I don't know when to schedule it, because I'm not sure how long this will last. I don't want to choose a date, and then have to reschedule again, or discover they won't let me change the date another time." my aunt said.
Speaking of said trip, I was going to petsit for my cousin while they were gone. I'd have the place to myself, there would be kitties to pet, and I could blast rock music and sing off-key to it. (My profound apologies to the musicians whose songs I ruined.) I was looking forward to it, and now that's been taken away from me. Disappointment.
The isolation is kind of a double-edged sword, too. We're told to avoid much contact with other people, in order to maintain our physical health. However, not going out much, and not interacting with many people, can take a toll on mental health. People can't do the stuff they used to, see the people they normally talk to. Even large gatherings are banned, so some churches don't have regular services, things like weddings and funerals can't be held, roleplay sessions are nonexistent... And for people whose mental health isn't that great to begin with, being shut in only makes things worse for them.
Plus, some people aren't working right now because their workplaces are closed, which means they have less money to spend. Parents have to entertain and homeschool their children, which can be tricky if they still have work, or if they're doing classes themselves. And the college courses are being done online now, which not everyone likes. Some people work better outside a classroom, but others prefer that to doing independent study. Some students may not even have the same access to needed materials that they would have on campus.
Meanwhile, our lives have been exciting. We can't go to a restaurant, of course, so the most we've done since everything closing is have pizza delivered at one point. Also, my brother's working at a store, so he sometimes picks up things we need while he's there. Our church is still open, but we've decided not to go for a while. Mom hasn't left the house in a while, and the only time I go out is to take a walk around the neighborhood. I'll probably have every street memorized before long. The irritating thing is that I keep wanting to go to the library, but it's closed, and I'm guessing the garden/park area next to it is off-limits, too.
Media and I have a love-hate relationship right now. I actually have a long list of muted words on social media, just to avoid negativity and other stuff I don't want to see all over my feed. And in the past weeks, things about the outbreak are everywhere. Stuff about how badly it's spread, or what some politician had to say about it, or suggestions on we should be doing, or stupid things people are doing. ("Because people are inherently selfish," I think pessimistically.) And when you get away from social media and turn on the TV, there are commercials about it. But at least we can watch 'The Price is Right'... no, it's been preempted in favor of Trump's face, which I don't want to look at. (Let's face it, I never want to see Trump, or any other politician, for that matter, because I hate politics.)
Depending on my mood, I might be fine seeing or hearing some stuff about it. Other times, I feel like screaming, "Can we focus on something else? Anything else?! Can I have a break from it?" I get burned out on hearing about things that are unpleasant, about bad news or worry. And sometimes even the posts intended to lighten the mood only aggravate me. Things like "Hey, being forced to stay in, an introvert's dream come true." Even introverts need social interaction, people. Before long, a lot of those introverts are going to be bored and lonely. Sorry, folks, but I'm looking at things realistically. I'm the poster child for 'lonely introvert'.
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| 'Itchy Feet' comic by Malachi Ray Rempen. |
And the thing is, no one really knows how long the insanity is going to last. The library plans to be closed for over a month, but it might be longer. Everything's ambiguous, up in the air, right now. Some of my family members were going on a trip, but now have to reschedule. The airline offered to let them pick a new date for their flight. "But I don't know when to schedule it, because I'm not sure how long this will last. I don't want to choose a date, and then have to reschedule again, or discover they won't let me change the date another time." my aunt said.
Speaking of said trip, I was going to petsit for my cousin while they were gone. I'd have the place to myself, there would be kitties to pet, and I could blast rock music and sing off-key to it. (My profound apologies to the musicians whose songs I ruined.) I was looking forward to it, and now that's been taken away from me. Disappointment.
The isolation is kind of a double-edged sword, too. We're told to avoid much contact with other people, in order to maintain our physical health. However, not going out much, and not interacting with many people, can take a toll on mental health. People can't do the stuff they used to, see the people they normally talk to. Even large gatherings are banned, so some churches don't have regular services, things like weddings and funerals can't be held, roleplay sessions are nonexistent... And for people whose mental health isn't that great to begin with, being shut in only makes things worse for them.
Plus, some people aren't working right now because their workplaces are closed, which means they have less money to spend. Parents have to entertain and homeschool their children, which can be tricky if they still have work, or if they're doing classes themselves. And the college courses are being done online now, which not everyone likes. Some people work better outside a classroom, but others prefer that to doing independent study. Some students may not even have the same access to needed materials that they would have on campus.
Meanwhile, our lives have been exciting. We can't go to a restaurant, of course, so the most we've done since everything closing is have pizza delivered at one point. Also, my brother's working at a store, so he sometimes picks up things we need while he's there. Our church is still open, but we've decided not to go for a while. Mom hasn't left the house in a while, and the only time I go out is to take a walk around the neighborhood. I'll probably have every street memorized before long. The irritating thing is that I keep wanting to go to the library, but it's closed, and I'm guessing the garden/park area next to it is off-limits, too.
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| Daffodils growing in someone's yard. |
On the other hand, a lot of flowers are in bloom right now. I've also been using the time to make phone calls and talk to friends. With everything going on, some of them are less busy than usual, so it's easier to get a hold of them. The walks give me something to do, and recently I got to pet a cat. It can be a time to catch up on things you've been meaning to do, but lacked the time for. (Hello, quilt you started making in 2003.)
Eventually, things will start to improve, and life will get back to normal. Personally, I think the first step is for March to finally end. It's been March for about a thousand years, an all-time record for the longest month.
We just have to wait it out, though the task is easier said than done. And until then, we have to find ways to occupy ourselves and remain sane. So to conclude this post, a picture of a sweet, lovable canine.
Eventually, things will start to improve, and life will get back to normal. Personally, I think the first step is for March to finally end. It's been March for about a thousand years, an all-time record for the longest month.
We just have to wait it out, though the task is easier said than done. And until then, we have to find ways to occupy ourselves and remain sane. So to conclude this post, a picture of a sweet, lovable canine.
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