How to Make Microwave Popcorn

One evening, Mom asked for a bag of microwave popcorn. Seems simple enough, right? I took off the plastic wrap, stuck it in the microwave, and started running it while I fixed some chocolate milk.

After a while, I glanced over to see the bag had gone to one side of the microwave, rather than spinning on the turntable like it was supposed to. Perfect. As an added bonus, the popping slowed down before I expected it to, and it didn't look like it popped completely.

Drat, I hope I stopped the microwave in time, and that it didn't heat unevenly. I'll get to it in a minute, after I finish what I'm doing...

Just then, a piercing sound filled the world. "BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!"

"Where are you? Why are you going off? There's nothing for you to beep about!" I griped.

The screech continued, and an annoying woman's voice kept saying "Fire, fire," while I searched for the infernal thing.

Let's see, it's not the one on the wall in the hallway, and I think the other smoke alarm was put on a high shelf of the hutch. Finally, after looking high and low, I found the smoke detector.

It was on the counter of the hutch, not the higher shelves. In plain sight. The light flashing red right in front of me. Sitting mere inches from the microwave.

Captain Obvious.

"There's not even smoke! What is wrong with you?" I said before moving it to a faraway region of the kitchen.

With the alarm no longer making a tremendous fuss, I turned my attention to the dumb popcorn, which looked pathetic and definitely hadn't popped well. Although I hadn't really smelled anything, parts of the bag were browned. And when Mom opened the bag and took a mouthful, she found that it was burnt. So I had to throw that bag out, and start over.

This time, I made sure not to unfold the bag fully, so it wouldn't get stuck in one region of the microwave, and end up cooking unevenly and terribly. The bag stayed where it was supposed to be, expanded properly, and was beautiful.

I presented the bag to Mom, adding, "Here's the bag you SHOULD HAVE received!"

But anyway, this was my popcorn-making expertise that night.