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Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Cool House Features

Let's face it, we've all dreamed about cool stuff we'd like to have in our future home. Whether it's a huge mansion, a house made of chocolate, or located in the middle of nowhere amidst a lush green forest, we each have our thoughts on what makes the ideal place to live. In this post, we'll discuss some features that every dream house should have.



Hidden storage.

Come on, this is a cool concept. It seems there's nothing there, but if you just lift a certain floorboard, voila! Hidden storage. If you've watched 'Gilmore Girls', you know exactly what I'm talking about. You can store all kinds of things there, like CDs, books, or the stash of snacks you don't want your roommate to find.

Scene from 'Gilmore Girls' tv series- looking through CD collection beneath floorboard

Lane from 'Gilmore Girls' was a master of hiding things. Along with keeping a music library under floorboards, she also had hidden clothing and jewelry, funky decor in her closet so she had a cool little place to herself, and other such things. Really, the below picture says it all.

Clothes hidden beneath mattress, jewelry in wardrobe, cool lights in closet.


Secret doorways.

This is so cool I put a secret doorway in the Eroendian royal palace. It's benefited Queen Joseline III greatly. But moving away from high fantasy now, let's return to our low fantasy house.
Hidden doorways come in many forms. A bookcase might be a doorway, or perhaps there's a secret door in the wall itself. You can even put a door in the floor. (That was a terrific rhyme)

Bookcase that's actually hidden doorway
Maybe your house is pretty cool, but does it have a doorway hidden among the library bookcases? Perfect for keeping letters in, or hiding when people are searching for you and you don't want to be found. But alas, we can't all be in the Eroendian royal palace...

Staircase that lifts up by remote, revealing hallway
Imagine just pushing a button on a remote, and the staircase moves up to reveal a place you would never have thought existed. 

Part of stone wall opening as hidden door


Never needing to clean.

Okay, okay, so I'm a bit obsessed with squirreling things away. I promise I'll stop and move on to other stuff now.
Let's face it, doing dishes and mopping floors just isn't much fun. That's why you need a method of making the cleaning do itself. Like a robot maid, for instance.

Rosie the Robot from 'The Jetsons' TV show

Or if robots aren't your style, perhaps you might be interested in magical cleaning supplies.

Magical broom from Disney's 'Fantasia', carrying buckets of water


Animal paradise.

If you're an animal lover, you need things like this. Like designing your entire home around what a cat loves. There's tons of things for them to climb, and that aquarium is the perfect thing to watch.

House with platforms and cat trees everywhere for the perfect feline habitat.

And of course, you'll want a large property, with tons of land for animals to roam. Whether it's high-energy dogs, or large animals like cattle and horses, plenty of room is necessary for all those creatures. Perhaps it won't quite be Territorio de Zaguates, but it'll be a zoo.

Several goats.


In-home library.

Well, obviously. What's a house without a library that rivals that of the unusually hairy prince from 'Beauty and the Beast'?

Library from animated 'Beauty and the Beast' movie. Walls are lined with thousands upon thousands of books.

This library will need a variety of great features. Along with having enough shelf space to fit the contents of your local library, it needs to be properly organized to quickly find what you're seeking, have lots of comfortable furniture, tables for putting your snacks and drinks on (and coasters on these tables, of course), good lighting.


Theater and game room.

There's nothing like watching a good movie, or binge-watching a favorite television series. Why not have a room with a good TV and sound system to watch it in?

GIF- 'So it's a TV show?' 'It's a lifestyle.' 'It's a religion.'

Obviously, the light fixtures will have to be carefully placed to prevent the glow of a light bulb from obscuring that memorable scene when Luke shoves his nephew into the water. Let's do away with windows as well, for the same reason. And the room will have to be away from everything, soundproof, so you can hear Luke announcing to Lorelei, "I just pushed him in the lake."
Of course, this will need lots of super-comfy chairs, sofas, footstools, etc. And the room should be equipped with things like drinks, popcorn, candy, and other stuff you can snack on.

And if you might as well have a game room, too. If you're into video games, you can fill it with a billion game systems. This should include the NES with a CRT television for it, because the Zappers don't work with other types of TVs. Playing 'Duck Hunt' is important, you know. And be sure to have 'Kirby's Adventure', and 'Super Mario Bros 3', and... Depending on your tastes, you can also put vintage arcade machines in, like 'Pac-Man' and 'Centipede'.

'Centipede' arcade machine

But a game room isn't just for video games. You can also have things like an air hockey table, dartboard, and tables with lots of chairs for playing card and board games. And don't forget cabinets for storing your collections of 'Trivial Pursuit' and 'Dragon Warrior'.


Solar panels.

Come on, this is super-cool. You put solar panels on the roof of your house or somewhere else convenient, and they power your house with the energy of the sun. It's clean, renewable energy, and it cuts down on your electric bills! Plus, when there's a power outage, you still have electricity. And did I mention it's cool? Something like that could have me actually starting to like sunny weather. (wants to live in a dark cave in northern Alaska with a polar bear for a roommate)

Houses with solar panels on roofs


Intercoms.

"Hey, where did you put 'Pasadagavra'?"
"What?"
"I said, where's 'Pasadagavra'?"
"Ant Guava? What?!"

Or better yet, "I called you five times! Why didn't you answer?"
(pauses music and pries self from chapter thirteen) "Huh? You called me?"

Things like this happen all the time. And in a dream house, which will have to be around 10,000 square feet to accommodate all the cool stuff we want, it'll be even harder. Maybe I should add small motorized carts to our list, or just getting from the bedroom to the kitchen will be a three-day trek. But my point is, a lot of time, energy, and frustration will be saved by installing intercom systems. A lot of mansions and other fancy residences have them, in order to communicate with someone who's in another room three miles away. Either that, or the Queen of England must spend a lot of time hollering.
"Didn't you hear me?"
"Sorry, Mum, I was on the other end of the palace."
Come to think of it, it's a shame my fantasy world doesn't have advanced technology. Some of the royal places could probably benefit from it, since not everyone has the telepathic abilities of a dragon. Of course, King Brendon of Alsteria is the exception to this. He can be heard loud and clear when he raises his voice.
"Father, a man who's deaf as a tree stump could have heard those shouts. The whole kingdom probably heard him.”


Treehouse.

Because this is also awesome. It's an iconic thing, and a fascinating concept. We've all seen them in books, TV shows, movies, and other media. Kids hang out there, play games, create clubs (no girls/boys allowed), have sleepovers in them... the possibilities are endless.

Calvin and Hobbes in tree fort

So why not have something like this in your own backyard? Whether it's for your own kids/younger siblings/etc., or if it's for yourself, a treehouse is a great feature for your property. You can use it as a getaway, relive childhood memories of treehouses, or finally own the treehouse your kid self wished they had.

Roofed treehouse with ladder and rope bridge


Security system.

Of course, by the time you finish putting all of these cool features in the house, you might be worried about theft. I mean, you have valuables like enchanted mops, robots programmed to dust and do the dishes, vintage video games, and about thirty thousand books.
So what does one do to prevent their treasures from being stolen? Get someone to guard it, of course. And by 'someone', I mean a large, fierce, maybe fire-breathing someone.

'Forest Walk' dragon artwork by Anne Stokes

A dragon, of course, is an excellent crime deterrent. Thieves take one look at the massive, scaly head, at the rows of teeth when said dragon opens their mouth, and they change their mind about trying to take anything.
Or if dragons aren't your preferred creature for a guard animal, you could always go the traditional route with a dog.
Thief:  "N-nice puppy... good puppy..."
Dog:  (growls)
Thief:  AAAA!!! (flees for life)

Cerberus with heads larger than a man

I mean, I suppose you could install a security system with cameras and such, or have guards roaming the grounds, but where's the fun in that? I mean, unless your guards are minotaurs or Grey Elves or something.


So there you have it. All the things you could ever hope for in a house. And some of them might actually be possible to achieve. If you have any other suggestions, let me know in the comments.

Scene from 'Howl's Moving Castle' movie.
Like a walking, flying house. That's doable, right?

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