Some of us may be aware that writers have a great number of conditions, including writer's insanity, writer's block, an obsessive nature, and violent reactions to typos. But not to fear, folks! There are treatments available which can treat some of the things writers experience!
Snacks
Can't find the motivation to put your fingers to the keyboard and write? Or are you hungry, but don't want to stop writing to make and eat a meal? Well, not to worry, for there's a solution. Snacks are an over-the-counter treatment approved for treating poor attention span and hunger during writing binges.
Directions: Pile delicious snacks in front of you. If writing is going well, begin eating immediately. For poor attention span, tell yourself, "Okay, I can have that piece of chocolate when I reach the next page/hit one thousand words/finish the scene/etc." Motivation will be increased.
Side effects include sugar rush, tooth decay, crumbs on keyboard and desk, and weight gain (does not apply to patients with a super-metabolism).
Placeholder Names
Are you unable to think of the perfect name for that place, character, or concept? Are you unable to decide despite hours of research, or simply don't have time for research now? Then we recommend placeholder names.
Directions: Invent random, temporary name for affected story element. Does not require creativity or effort. Placeholder name can be replaced later.
Side effects include excessive laughter at awful names (Warning: do not name your character Whozit), shame at your lack of creativity, and confusion among writers and characters.
Research
Do you have no idea what you're doing? Are you lost and confused? Or perhaps you just need some new ideas and inspiration. Well then, despair no longer, because help has come, in the form of research.
Directions: Open an informative book, access your friendly search engine, have a conversation, or even just stumble across a valuable resource by the hand of providence. Begin harvesting interesting information. Works well when combined with notes.
Possible side effects are writer's insanity, excessive nerdiness, loss of time, distraction, having to change huge parts of manuscripts, and falling into the black hole of world-building.
Notes
Did you lose track of how old that character was, or the name of a dragon species, or what color the antagonist's eyes are? Have you forgotten half of the cool stuff you found while researching? In that case, you need notes.
Directions: Create lists of important information, world-building ideas, reminders, character descriptions, and whatever else you need, organizing them by topic.
Side effects include an abundance of files, virtual files that are seven pages long, and new portals to the black hole of world-building.
Maps
Are you and your characters lost? Did you forget if that town was west or east of here, or which kingdoms neighbor Rutholle? Then you may benefit from a map.
Directions: Find paper and writing/art utensils, whether it's cool artist paper or the back of a history test, jumbo box of high-grade colored pencils or a dull stub of cheap graphite pencil your puppy chewed. Or if digital art is more your speed, open an image editing program. This can be a fancy map-making program, Photoshop, or MS Paint (yes, even the crummy new version that made my water leaper look sub-standard). Then draw and label your awesome map.
Potential side effects are world-builder's disease, indecisiveness, trouble naming things, and having a 21 MB map (in your defense, bitmap files aren't small).
Outlines
Did you forget what was supposed to happen next in your story? Was an important event neglected or muddled due to poor memory? Do you spend an abnormal amount of time wishing you had a copy of '(Novel Title Here) Plotting For Dummies' handy? Then what you need is an outline.
Directions: Write down all plot points you wish not to forget, in the approximate order you want them to occur in. Be sure to organize properly to avoid confusion and increase readability. If creating outline for a rewrite, comb through previous draft(s) to jog your memory.
Side effects are page counts numbering in the dozens, word counts greater than some novellas, loss of time, wishing you'd never started because you fear you'll never finish, abandoning the task before reaching the end, and discovery of plot holes.
Snacks
Can't find the motivation to put your fingers to the keyboard and write? Or are you hungry, but don't want to stop writing to make and eat a meal? Well, not to worry, for there's a solution. Snacks are an over-the-counter treatment approved for treating poor attention span and hunger during writing binges.
Directions: Pile delicious snacks in front of you. If writing is going well, begin eating immediately. For poor attention span, tell yourself, "Okay, I can have that piece of chocolate when I reach the next page/hit one thousand words/finish the scene/etc." Motivation will be increased.
Side effects include sugar rush, tooth decay, crumbs on keyboard and desk, and weight gain (does not apply to patients with a super-metabolism).
Placeholder Names
Are you unable to think of the perfect name for that place, character, or concept? Are you unable to decide despite hours of research, or simply don't have time for research now? Then we recommend placeholder names.
Directions: Invent random, temporary name for affected story element. Does not require creativity or effort. Placeholder name can be replaced later.
Side effects include excessive laughter at awful names (Warning: do not name your character Whozit), shame at your lack of creativity, and confusion among writers and characters.
Research
Do you have no idea what you're doing? Are you lost and confused? Or perhaps you just need some new ideas and inspiration. Well then, despair no longer, because help has come, in the form of research.
Directions: Open an informative book, access your friendly search engine, have a conversation, or even just stumble across a valuable resource by the hand of providence. Begin harvesting interesting information. Works well when combined with notes.
Possible side effects are writer's insanity, excessive nerdiness, loss of time, distraction, having to change huge parts of manuscripts, and falling into the black hole of world-building.
Notes
Did you lose track of how old that character was, or the name of a dragon species, or what color the antagonist's eyes are? Have you forgotten half of the cool stuff you found while researching? In that case, you need notes.
Directions: Create lists of important information, world-building ideas, reminders, character descriptions, and whatever else you need, organizing them by topic.
Side effects include an abundance of files, virtual files that are seven pages long, and new portals to the black hole of world-building.
Maps
Are you and your characters lost? Did you forget if that town was west or east of here, or which kingdoms neighbor Rutholle? Then you may benefit from a map.
Directions: Find paper and writing/art utensils, whether it's cool artist paper or the back of a history test, jumbo box of high-grade colored pencils or a dull stub of cheap graphite pencil your puppy chewed. Or if digital art is more your speed, open an image editing program. This can be a fancy map-making program, Photoshop, or MS Paint (yes, even the crummy new version that made my water leaper look sub-standard). Then draw and label your awesome map.
Potential side effects are world-builder's disease, indecisiveness, trouble naming things, and having a 21 MB map (in your defense, bitmap files aren't small).
Outlines
Did you forget what was supposed to happen next in your story? Was an important event neglected or muddled due to poor memory? Do you spend an abnormal amount of time wishing you had a copy of '(Novel Title Here) Plotting For Dummies' handy? Then what you need is an outline.
Directions: Write down all plot points you wish not to forget, in the approximate order you want them to occur in. Be sure to organize properly to avoid confusion and increase readability. If creating outline for a rewrite, comb through previous draft(s) to jog your memory.
Side effects are page counts numbering in the dozens, word counts greater than some novellas, loss of time, wishing you'd never started because you fear you'll never finish, abandoning the task before reaching the end, and discovery of plot holes.
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