My mother and I decided we would try out different churches, find one that we liked. There was a Baptist church nearby, so we figured we'd start there.
Upon arrival, a man gave us a brief greeting and handed each of us a pamphlet. We walked into the sanctuary and looked for a place to sit, and a minute or two later, the service began.
A man talked a bit and gave an opening prayer before we sang a couple of hymns. Rather than a projector showing the lyrics, we were told to turn to so-and-so number in the hymnals. Different from other churches I've been to, but it's simple enough to turn to a specific number. There didn't seem to be anyone leading the singing, whereas at other churches, you often have a person or two on stage with microphones. In this case, there was just an older woman playing piano as the congregation sang.
A man came up again and talked about this event and that event, and to pray for this one family. Everything he discussed, I didn't feel like a part of, and the family was just a random name to me. I found myself looking forward to when he finished and we could move on to something else.
Which leads to my ongoing question since we came in: why am I so darn uncomfortable? I've been sitting here a while, and haven't relaxed. After the greeter gave us the pamphlet, we haven't spoken to anyone else. When is the meet-and-greet they usually have at service? Everyone's just sitting here facing forward, and I haven't noticed much interaction among anyone. And the church doesn't look homey, doesn't feel homey. The men that stand behind the pulpit all seem distant, just some well-groomed dudes in nice suits. Why do I feel like some cranky toddler who doesn't like anything and "wanna go home!"
Or maybe it's because Mom doesn't seem comfortable, either. It's like I can sense Mom's displeasure. But she was saying earlier that she hoped it would be a good church, and sounded uncertain about it. I don't even know. Really, I need to try and be more positive about this experience.
So anyway, they ask anyone visiting to raise their hand. Mom raises her hand, and I do so with reluctance. A deacon gives us a little card to fill out, just like a lot of churches do. Mom leans towards me and whispers, "Don't write down our address." She's definitely confident about this new church.
While I'm filling out the little card, they do the offerings. Well, I don't want to give my phone number or e-mail address, either. And the 'check all boxes that apply'. I'm not in high school or college, which leaves the boxes for married, single, etc. Well, why is it important whether I'm single or not? I don't need to provide this info. Yeah, I was super-enthusiastic.
More talking, which isn't especially engaging to me. Then at one point, the man tells us to pray silently for a minute. I shut my eyes, and have a fun conversation.
Me: Why do I feel so uncomfortable? Lord, please help me not to feel this way.
God: Oh, you're going to be uncomfortable throughout the service.
Me: Well, that's reassuring to hear.
Me: And I feel like Mom's not enjoying this, either. Is she uncomfortable?
God: Yes.
The meet-and-greet I hoped for never occurs, and we eventually move on to the sermon. It seemed like Bible verses thrown around, preachy stuff, and I felt like he kind of veered off on multiple subjects. Rather than being preached to, it felt like he was preaching at us. It seemed sort of impersonal, too, in a way. Or maybe that's just because I was looking at the backs of people's heads and wondering when the whole "Hi, welcome to the church! Yes, we did notice that new members were actually here and acknowledge your existence!" would occur. But he just didn't seem like the friendly, personable sort of guy.
Some of the stuff rubbed us the wrong way, too. He said something along the lines of, "And all of you look very nice today!" Yet it didn't feel that sincere, like it was hollow and devoid of true emotion, or something. And Mom said later that the way he said it felt like, "So we have to look nice, and if we come in tattered rags, we won't be welcome?" She said that the sermon just felt judgmental in general.
Twice he mentioned, "And some churches don't even open their Bibles in service!" First, we have our Bible open, but we haven't done a lot of actual reading from it. Maybe once or twice, briefly. Second, in my aunt's church, we generally don't open our Bibles, but the passages are displayed on the projector, and you get God's Word. And it seems more genuine, fills you up more, whereas this sermon feels more like "bla bla preach preach". Plus, the church my aunt and uncle go to feels welcoming, and people actually talk to each other.
Sometimes at churches, the pastor will say something directly to a certain congregation member, or people in the congregation will mention something themselves. Except for an 'amen' or two, I didn't hear much at that church. And even when the preacher spoke directly to someone, it wasn't the same. Mom said it felt rehearsed.
The pastor also mentioned the love of God. Yet I haven't felt much of that from people, including the preacher, since I got here. Did I mention at all that I didn't feel comfortable?
When he said, "One last thing," I thought, Finally! The sermon's almost over and we can LEAVE! Followed by, Well, that's an appropriate thought to have about church, wanting it to end already. But really, I did. Both Mom and I felt it was long, and it probably seemed even longer due to our eagerness to depart. And it was a false alarm, too; the sermon continued for a little while after that.
The sermon ends, and there's a couple more songs and such before service gets out. On our way out of the sanctuary, a couple of people introduce themselves. Hooray, human interaction and the feeling of being noticed! We had a brief interaction with the preacher, who was just outside the door of the sanctuary, and a woman gave us a 'welcome basket' with cornbread and soup mix in bags. But there was only a handful of people who talked to us, and at the very end.
Mom and I get out to the car, and she promptly asks, "So, what did you think?"
"Well, uh, it didn't really click with me."
"Yeah, me too."
We discussed our grievances with each other throughout the car ride, and one point she said, "Do you want to try it one more time?"
"Nope." I was finished with trying it long before service got out.
Anyway, Mom says since she chose this church, I get to pick the next one we try. Well, the next one's got to be better, right? Hopefully it's a more pleasant atmosphere, a better vibe.
...Please, oh please.
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