Sunday, October 18, 2015

How To Humiliate Yourself

Throughout our lives, we witness many blunders, or make some of our own. Today I will list off a few things that are important not to do in order to prevent embarrassment.
  1. Fall asleep in math class and drool on your textbook.
  2. Try to run or do sports in shoes that aren't meant for running or other athletics. Ultimately the shoe will fly off your foot and you will fall on your face.
  3. Trip over your own feet.
  4. Walk through a doorway which is blocked by a layer of plastic wrap.
  5. Allow pranks of any sort to befall you.
  6. Split the seat of your trousers, particularly on the one day you aren't wearing underwear.
  7. Try to throw or kick something with all your might, then lose your balance from the resulting inertia and fall down.
  8. Ask a question it turns out you didn't want to know the answer to.
  9. Ask a really dumb question to which the answer was extremely obvious.
  10. Erase the drawings someone left on the whiteboard, then discover it was supposed to be used for tomorrow's class.
  11. Rescue a beetle that wandered into the classroom, then after putting it outside, you discover it was a stink bug and now you smell wonderful.
  12. Make a spectacle of yourself during a moment of terror, such as screaming bloody murder and becoming hysterical because you saw a tiny spider.
  13. Not pay attention to where you were going and walk straight into something.
  14. When the door of the bathroom stall doesn't lock and then someone opens it. This is embarrassing regardless of which side of the door you're on.
  15. When somebody finds out an embarrassing secret of yours, particularly if they decide to tell the whole world about it.
  16. Saying, "I know what I'm doing." then proving in front of everyone that you haven't the foggiest idea.
  17. Being called on by the teacher to answer a question you have no clue what the answer is, particularly if you're being forced to explain a complex math problem and you don't have the faintest understanding of the concept.
  18. Tell someone over the phone that you're not feeling well and have an upset stomach, then get told, "By the way, you're on speaker."
  19. When someone goes to you to wake you up, and finds you drooling all over your pillow.
  20. Dial a number, then forget who you were calling.
  21. Say something, then realize immediately afterward that it sounds really dumb.
  22. Someone stands right next to you and says your name, and you look around in every direction except where they're at, trying to find them.
  23. Not realize the wet suit you rented has a large tear in the worst place possible.
  24. Discover at the last moment that you forget something important, like your homework when you're at school, or your wallet when you're at the checkout line of the grocery store.
  25. Try to drink something and accidentally dump the beverage all over yourself.
  26. An unexpected belch comes from you at the most inconvenient time.
  27. Say something which another misinterprets, causing awkwardness, confusion, anger, or other unpleasant results.
  28. After saying something which was misinterpreted, try to explain yourself, only to dig yourself into an even deeper hole.
  29. While alone, you sing off-key to a favorite song and dance, then turn around to see that you're not actually alone, and someone is witnessing your horrible singing and dancing abilities.
  30. Notice too late that your nose is running.
  31. You forget you had something scheduled, causing you to miss an important event, or your guests arrive and you're still in your pajamas.
  32. You need to change your outfit for a wedding, but the church is locked and you're running late, so you have no choice but to change clothes in front of the church. Then tourists come by and take photos of the spectacle.

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