The Desire For Acceptance

As humans, we have a general desire to be liked. With people we meet, we wonder what their impression is of us. Even with friends and family, we sometimes wonder how they view us.

We talk about something, and wonder how people interpret what we're saying. Sometimes we worry that we're not explaining something well, or that our words or actions might be misinterpreted. There are times when we feel comfortable in our own skin, and times when we think, "I just said the stupidest thing ever, and I have to go dig a hole now and hide in it forever."

'Sarah's Scribbles' by Sarah Andersen.

People always talk about how you shouldn't focus much about others' opinions, but ultimately, we do anyway. We have a desire for validation and acceptance. We worry about people having a negative opinion of us, judging us for one thing or another, and we worry about accidentally offending or otherwise alienating someone when we don't mean to.

At the same time, sometimes your questions are in regards to something that you would never ask about. You can't really say things like, "What do you think of me as a person?" or "My earlier statement didn't give you the wrong impression, did it?" You don't want to seem awkward or insecure, or sound like you're fishing for compliments.

Which sort of circles back to caring about what people think of us. Besides, if you were to ask a question like that, they might just say what they think you want to hear, rather than a truthful and unbiased answer. So to some extent, it can be difficult to know how people truly view you.

'Sarah's Scribbles' by Sarah Andersen.

If you think about it, a lot of people probably have similar thoughts towards you; wondering how you feel about them, what you're thinking during their interactions with you. It's a two-way street. And it probably happens more than we realize. Whether it's someone we know well, or some random stranger in the supermarket, people are trying to read us, trying to guess what we're thinking about them.

Ultimately, it comes down to communication and self-esteem. We need to let people know that we value and appreciate them. We need to take care not to misread people's words or actions, and think carefully before we act so our own behavior isn't misinterpreted, to avoid hurt feelings from being caused unintentionally. And we also need to try not to dwell on things. Focusing on our mistakes, things we could have done differently, or times when people seemed to dislike us, will do nothing to improve how we feel about ourselves.

A feat that's easier said than done, true. But really, we sometimes obsess over things that, in the grand scheme of things, don't really matter much at all. We worry about something we said ten years ago, and it's possible that no one else even recalls that statement. We think, "What if this causes people to view me differently forever?" More than likely, others have the same fear, fretting that we're judging them over something that didn't faze us at all.

To conclude, everyone has their insecurities. Even people who seem fairly confident have their fears and doubts. In the end, we're all human. We all have our worries, and we all crave validation occasionally. It's about how we handle those feelings, and how we treat the people around us. We have to learn whose opinions matter, and not to dwell too much on the negative. And we have to learn to give people kindness and respect, because you never know when someone might be in need of it.

Until next week, folks.