How To Get Nothing Accomplished

The title speaks for itself. I'm a master at this, personally. I plan to get all this stuff done, but in a minute. Just as soon as I... Oops, it's almost midnight, way too late to get started on anything.

Or better yet, I have the desire to do stuff. But then I don't get around to actually starting immediately. and so I lose my drive to be productive. "Why don't you want to work, brain?" (prods lump of goo that's been melted from endless scrolling through social media)

Anyway, here's a quick guide to never fulfilling your dreams or making something out of yourself.

1. Tell yourself that you'll start on that task, as soon as you catch up on social media.
2. Spend a long time writing comments to posts on social media.
3. Plan to look something up 'real quick', then wind up reading web articles on old computers.
4. Scroll through your uploaded pictures on Imgur for no reason except boredom.
5. Remember there were some interesting videos in your 'watch later' list on YouTube. Might as well look at some of those first.
6. Convince yourself that watching an informational video counts as being productive, even though your word count on Camp NaNo isn't increasing.
7. You want to listen to one more song.
8. Okay, just a few more songs.
9. As soon as you've heard your entire music library, plus two or three YouTube playlists, you'll get started.
   
10. Hmm, you need something to drink. And a snack.
11. Plan to write a blog post about a hilarious story your friend told you, then spend half of the time typing silly things and sending the screenshots to someone for their amusement.
12. Abandon said post because you had an idea for a different blog post about how to get nothing done.
13. Think about how funny it is that you're writing this post after majorly procrastinating, and wonder if Alanis Morrissette will appear and start singing 'Ironic'.
14. Plan to write an intro for the blog post later. And in the meantime, use Google Translate to create ridiculous filler text in another language.
15. Type "I'd better write now". Waste time opening a text file to add a special character, because that circumflex is vastly important to the non sequitur that no one will see anyway.
16. Then again, you could take a screenshot of your silliness. Hit 'Print Screen', then go onto Imgur and hit 'Ctrl-V' to save the ridiculous screenshot.
17. Recall that time you forgot to write an intro, and almost published it like this.
    
18. Think of better filler text for this post, then replace the screenshot you uploaded with a new one.
19. Realize that you've published a thousand blog posts like this, about procrastination and that sort of thing.
20. Decide you don't care, because you've been putting off writing blog posts for so long, you have no finished material lined up. So if you don't get something done in the next few days, there will be no blog post on Wednesday.