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Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Conversations With My Brain

In case you thought my only problem was characters, I'm here today to tell you, nope, it's not. In fact, my brain seems to be a wealth of randomness, especially when it comes to blurting crazy things out. Below are a few things dedicated to my insane brain.

Online post:  What does your protagonist's Normal World look like at the beginning of the story?
Brain:  There was less pretty Celtic.
Me:  (facepalm)

Twitter post:  We're celebrating this place all week. Do you have any recommendations for the best things to see or do?
Brain:  Find the portal to the fantasy world and ride dragons.
Me:  In this place, not using it like a train station on your way somewhere else.
Brain:  Are there dragons there we can ride?
Me:  (facepalms again)

Me:  I could work on the blog post now.
Brain:  No wanna! I'm borrrrreddd!
Me:  Or we could write that chapter.
Brain:  But it takes effort and thought!
Me:  Why do you look forward to writing up until I open the file?
Brain:  Let's just sit here and listen to this song five thousand times.
Me:  Really, it's amazing we haven't memorized it by now.
Brain:  Well, if we knew the lyrics...
Me:  We couldn't find the lyrics. Heaven knows we tried.
Brain:  Well, there's a solution to our problem. If we just...
Me:  Book one will never be finished at this rate. Come to think of it, why am I arguing with you, anyway? I could be trying to write!
Brain:  You are writing. You're typing up this argument with me.

Me:  I'm going to bed.
Brain:  We should make an acrostic poem based on this song title.
Me:  It's one o'clock.
Brain:  So for 'N', we could write something like 'Night is vanquished', or...
Me:  Can't we do this in the morning?
Brain:  It is morning, technically. You know, it would be even cooler-looking if it was written this way. But unfortunately we lack the knowledge to do that.
Me:  Mmm. (trying to ignore brain)
Brain:  You know we should do? Learn a new language!
Me:  Tell you what. I'll write a reminder to make this acrostic poem, and that will be that.
Brain:  Why not write the poem now? And we could totally do the language thing. We just read that Duolingo is free, and...
Me:  GO. TO. SLEEP.
Brain:  Okay, okay. I don't know where this aggression comes from...

Me:  Okay, we need to act normal. We don't want to weird anyone out.
Brain:  (brings in marching band of writer's insanity)
Me:  On second thought, let's scare away all of my blog and social media followers with the chaotic mess inside my head!

Me:  Try to be serious for a moment.
Brain:  Boogers! (giggles uncontrollably)
Me:  What did I just say?
Brain:  (makes farting sounds with hands)

Me:  What's this song again? (clicks on it) Oh, now I remember.
Brain:  Yeah, we've only said, "What's this again? Duh..." a thousand times now in regards to this song.
Me:  Thanks a lot.
Brain:  Why can't I recall things? (envisions banging head against the wall in frustration) BAM BAM BAM BAM
Me:  What is wrong with you?
Brain:  Maybe it's Maybelline. (starts singing Reliant K song)

Brain:  I need a song with a different mood to it. You know, something like CRASH BOOM BANG.
Me:  'Crash boom bang'? Really, Brain? Really?
Brain:  You know, like a chaotic sound?
Me:  'Crash boom bang'... (shakes head and walks away)

Me:  Okay, I'm going to do this now. I'll need to be able to think and process.
(looks at it for two seconds)
Brain:  Hey, can I have a vacation day?
Me:  What? When?
Brain:  Right now. Bye. (walks out)

Me:  They say the brain finishes developing around age 25.
Brain:  WHAT?! That's terrifying!
Me:  Why do you say that?
Brain:  Because, we should learn a Celtic language! And we really ought to do that before I stop developing!

Me:  Think of a clever sentence for this story.
Brain:  Xander would have given his right kidney to escape this conversation.
Me:  Kidney?! Seriously?

Me:  Okay, I need to write now.
Brain:  How do you say "good night" in Cornish? Would it be fairly similar to Welsh, or...
Me:  I think I've determined one of the reasons why I don't get stuff done.
Brain:  But...
Me:  No.

Me:  I wrote 'cait sidhe bw' as a note for my fantasy series. What does 'bw' even stand for? 'Black and white', maybe? I don't know. Try to think of stuff.
Brain:  Barry White.
Me:  There are no words adequate to express how little you're helping me...

Book:  His eyes saw clouds mingled with snow-capped mountains above a hidden and barren land.
Brain:   Snow-capped mountains = Snowdonia = Awesome
Me:  You do realize we're reading high fantasy. Meaning it's not Earth.
Brain:  Snow is nice. We should go there, either to Snowdonia or to the mountains mentioned in the story.
Me:  (facepalm)

Me:  Let's write.
Brain:  Do dragons get seasick? Can they vomit? I know horses can't vomit. Do they get seasick? If so, what do they do about it if they can't...
Me:  WRITING!!! Remember that concept? Huh? Concentrate!

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