Sunday, September 20, 2015


Ah, the plastic container. Perfect for putting away those leftovers you just couldn't eat. Of course, the plastic containers are not without their imperfections.

Take, for example, the dreaded lids. You take out a container, then search for the lid that matches it. Finally, you find a lid of the precise shape and size you need. You then put everything into the container and try to put on the lid. Despite the fact that the lid should fit, it won't go on. Perhaps it's one of those containers where the lid is simply finicky. You try harder. You use a different tactic. Still it won't seal.
Then someone walks by and looks at what you're doing. "That's the wrong lid." they say.
"What? This is the right lid!" you exclaim in frustration. "It's the same size and shape as the container!"
"No." they reply. "That's the lid that goes to the container that looks similar to that one."

Then there's the containers that are all identical to each other. You grab them from the dishwasher and go stack them up in the cupboard. That's when you realize that the size of the containers differ by one millimeter, so they're not stacking properly. You then go through an elaborate ritual to get them stacked properly by their corresponding (and almost imperceptible in difference) size. This issue, of course, often corresponds with the issue of lids that look like they fit but actually don't.

This, of course, is all an ingenious scheme. People in the container companies plot evil things. "Now, we'll sell this set, then the next year, we'll sell another set that's very similar-looking, but the lids from the previous set won't fit the new set! And we'll make the shapes and sizes differ very slightly, in such a way that nothing will fit properly or stack properly! Mua ha ha!"
Scientists are actually supporting this horrible thing. They're running a study on how these types of frustrations affect the sanity levels of people. So far, hundred of people have gone mad and thrown lids and containers out of second-story windows because none of the lids fit any of the containers. And another thing: scientists have designed tiny robots that sneak into people's houses undetected and steal random lids and containers. "I could have sworn we had the lid that fit this container." Not any more, you don't.

The moral of the story: Keep your doors and windows locked, don't trust plastic containers, join a support group, and invest in a lifetime's supply of Ziploc bags. Oh wait, the zipper broke...

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