Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Mysteries of the Universe

Here's a list of some of the many mysteries of the universe.

  1. When you're driving down the road, birds tend to flee in a direction that puts them in your path, rather than away from the vehicle.
  2. Why they make a long pencil with forty years' worth of graphite, then stick a tiny eraser on it that lasts about three days.
  3. Why ladybugs hardly ever bite people, but think my father is a delicacy.
  4. Why people can remember the lyrics of songs and quote literature, but are unable to recall what countries fought in World War I or how to solve a three-variable equation.
  5. How you got that bruise or cut. It could have been the pointy edge of your desk, or bumping your knee on the bed frame, or a paper cut, or from aliens painting a blue spot on your arm to confuse you into believing you're injured.
  6. How you can easily find things in a cluttered mess, but are unable to recall where you put something five seconds ago.
  7. The ability of condiments and dessert toppings to defy gravity when you're trying to get them out of the bottle.
  8. How an annoying bug senses that you're planning to kill it, and promptly disappears in mid-air.
  9. The ability to become so engrossed in something that you completely shut out everything else around you. If the building were on fire, if people were screaming and running about in a panicked frenzy, my friend would just sit there and read.
  10. The illusion of time passing quickly or slowly. Sometimes these two overlap and create a paradox.
  11. The sensation of falling just as you're starting to go to sleep. Falling asleep isn't supposed to be taken literally.
  12. The ability of dreams to seem vividly real when you're asleep.
  13. Having a dream that seems familiar in a way, like you've had a dream before which involved these characters or the same setting. Yet, you can't actually recall having another dream with those similarities.
  14. The inability to find something you're searching for, despite it being in plain sight.
  15. Despite winding the cord around the vacuum canister carefully, the next time you use the vacuum cleaner, there's a knot in the cord.
  16. Debris spontaneously appearing in a spot you just vacuumed.
  17. Why the fitted sheet claims to match the size of your mattress, but never stays tucked in on all sides.

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