Because I'm somewhat insane, I decided to create a list of probable causes for my death.
CAUTION: May cause uncontrollable laughter, beverages shooting out of nostrils, shortness of breath, and aching sides.
- Being run over by a skateboarder. They come out of nowhere and zoom straight toward you, I swear...
- Die laughing, probably while listening to Bill Cosby or reading Adam Young's blog.
- Consuming too much of Taco Bell's awesome Fire sauce. Either my face will become engulfed in flame, or it will begin to melt.
- Die of fright. May be triggered by heights, or seeing a really big spider or scorpion.
- Clumsiness. Also known as tripping on a level floor, stubbing toe on hard object, bashing knee on sharp-edged furniture, landing on head, inertia then causing a tumble off cliff, where body will then be skewered by pointy rocks and end up in rapids.
- Being trampled to death by an arachnophobe who just saw a Goliath Birdeater tarantula.
- Being hit by a flying object during sports. Why they call it a softball is beyond me, as there's nothing soft about it.
- Gagging to death during a dentist appointment. Breathe through your nose, they say. Pay no attention to the fact that my hand is down your throat, they say.
- Being licked to death by my friend's over-friendly pit bull.
- The bugs finally get their revenge on me for all the friends and family of theirs I've killed, and a huge horde of them come at me with fangs, pincers, poison, and stingers. Or, if they're not bugs with defense mechanisms, they'll carry very tiny bazookas.
- During a time when I'm overly tired, have eaten too much sugar, or a combination of the two, people will grow so annoyed with my hyper and annoying behavior that they will kill me. And the body shall never be found.
- A freak accident involving a banana peel someone left on the ground.
- Being electrocuted because my hand accidentally touched a laptop's VGA port. I don't know how I do it sometimes...
- While walking on Bagel Street, a safe falls from a fifteen-story building and kills me.
- Die of boredom in a waiting room. It's a well-known fact that it takes seven hours to rotate a vehicle's tires.
- While attempting to figure out a cell phone, I-Pod, etc., I somehow anger the device, and it self-destructs out of spite.
- Perish from heatstroke in a busy store.