Random thought: it's amazing some of the earliest people lived to be several hundred years old. After being kicked out of Eden, there was a lot to figure out. They had to learn how to survive, and I imagine there would be a lot of mistakes along the way. The earliest generations would probably encounter a lot of problems.
"What's this? OW!!!! Don't touch the thistles! Thistles are bad!"
"What's this? OW!!!! Don't touch the thistles! Thistles are bad!"
"Hey, what would happen if I pet a lion... MY ARM!!!!"
"Yo, did you know if you go too long without food, you die? You wouldn't believe what happened to Bob..."
"Oh, that's nothing. Apparently, if you don't drink enough water... Well, let's just say Matthew didn't survive his trek through the desert."
"Speaking of water, my neighbor discovered it was possible to drown. Lost two of his friends when the boat he tried to make sprung a leak. Well, more like several leaks, really."
And what about hunting and fishing? It might take some time to figure out the best ways of doing that. Imagine a hoofed creature, watching with mild interest while a clumsy guy fires twenty arrows, all of them missing the target. He reaches for the next one, then discovers his quiver is empty. In frustration, he goes for his slingshot. Stones fly in all directions, while the animal calmly observes the missiles flying past it.
The man curses to himself, arms tired and patience wearing thin. Almost seeming to shrug to itself, the animal turns and saunters off. The man, in a final act of defiance, aims one more rock, which misses his quarry by a good five cubits.
Upon returning home, his wife frowns. "Fruit again?"
"I tried to hunt something down. You wouldn't believe the terrible luck I had. A twelve-point buck, and I would have had it, if a bird hadn't cried out and startled it. I chased the stag through the brush, tracking it for miles. I had to cross swamps, climb steep, rocky hills. It seemed I might be about to close in on the brute, but I had the misfortune of stumbling into a pride of lions, which..."
On a related note, people's early hunting misfortunes may have been the catalyst to the invention of tall tales. That buck only had half the points on his antlers, and there wasn't a lion pride within thirty miles.
Clothing wouldn't have been simple, either. People sported coats with one arm a handsbreadth longer than the other. Suspenders and belts were invented by people who hadn't figured out waistbands and sizing quite yet. Hats were either too small, or fell over the wearer's eyes every five seconds.
And we won't discuss early furniture or architecture, which made failed IKEA projects look like masterpieces. Chairs had lopsided legs, and even dining chairs were rockers. Meals slid off tables. Sofas collapsed from the weight of the family's new puppy hopping onto the seat. Shelves came detached from walls, and what few spices hadn't fallen off the lopsided wooden plank before went crashing to the ground. The children flung the door open to rush excitedly into the house, and the front door was torn from its hinges. Though I suppose it doesn't matter much, considering the handle fell off last week when a cow sneezed too hard while standing near the threshold. It was that tiny gust of wind from the bovine's nostrils that did it.
Cooking was a challenge, too. Raw meat wasn't really an option, and cooking took a bit of practice. Charred food was a staple in the diets of many, and dishes that weren't black and crunchy were considered a delicacy. Trying to get a fire started was also an art, as was preventing said fire from spreading and setting the entire settlement aflame.
This concludes my musings about early humans. Ultimately, they would have had quite a shock upon learning what life was like outside of Paradise. But you've got to hand it to our ancestors, they somehow survived. There were a few snags along the way, but they eventually managed to eke out a living.
Although we, uh, won't discuss One-Armed Ezekiel, the man who narrowly survived petting a lion.
"Oh, that's nothing. Apparently, if you don't drink enough water... Well, let's just say Matthew didn't survive his trek through the desert."
"Speaking of water, my neighbor discovered it was possible to drown. Lost two of his friends when the boat he tried to make sprung a leak. Well, more like several leaks, really."
And what about hunting and fishing? It might take some time to figure out the best ways of doing that. Imagine a hoofed creature, watching with mild interest while a clumsy guy fires twenty arrows, all of them missing the target. He reaches for the next one, then discovers his quiver is empty. In frustration, he goes for his slingshot. Stones fly in all directions, while the animal calmly observes the missiles flying past it.
The man curses to himself, arms tired and patience wearing thin. Almost seeming to shrug to itself, the animal turns and saunters off. The man, in a final act of defiance, aims one more rock, which misses his quarry by a good five cubits.
Upon returning home, his wife frowns. "Fruit again?"
"I tried to hunt something down. You wouldn't believe the terrible luck I had. A twelve-point buck, and I would have had it, if a bird hadn't cried out and startled it. I chased the stag through the brush, tracking it for miles. I had to cross swamps, climb steep, rocky hills. It seemed I might be about to close in on the brute, but I had the misfortune of stumbling into a pride of lions, which..."
On a related note, people's early hunting misfortunes may have been the catalyst to the invention of tall tales. That buck only had half the points on his antlers, and there wasn't a lion pride within thirty miles.
Clothing wouldn't have been simple, either. People sported coats with one arm a handsbreadth longer than the other. Suspenders and belts were invented by people who hadn't figured out waistbands and sizing quite yet. Hats were either too small, or fell over the wearer's eyes every five seconds.
And we won't discuss early furniture or architecture, which made failed IKEA projects look like masterpieces. Chairs had lopsided legs, and even dining chairs were rockers. Meals slid off tables. Sofas collapsed from the weight of the family's new puppy hopping onto the seat. Shelves came detached from walls, and what few spices hadn't fallen off the lopsided wooden plank before went crashing to the ground. The children flung the door open to rush excitedly into the house, and the front door was torn from its hinges. Though I suppose it doesn't matter much, considering the handle fell off last week when a cow sneezed too hard while standing near the threshold. It was that tiny gust of wind from the bovine's nostrils that did it.
Cooking was a challenge, too. Raw meat wasn't really an option, and cooking took a bit of practice. Charred food was a staple in the diets of many, and dishes that weren't black and crunchy were considered a delicacy. Trying to get a fire started was also an art, as was preventing said fire from spreading and setting the entire settlement aflame.
This concludes my musings about early humans. Ultimately, they would have had quite a shock upon learning what life was like outside of Paradise. But you've got to hand it to our ancestors, they somehow survived. There were a few snags along the way, but they eventually managed to eke out a living.
Although we, uh, won't discuss One-Armed Ezekiel, the man who narrowly survived petting a lion.
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