Monday, June 22, 2015

Things Never to Say

In stories and in real life, there are things that are simply a bad idea to utter. Here are a few examples.

  1. "What could possibly go wrong?" This is followed by things going wrong.
  2. "Could things get any worse?" Yes, they can.
  3. "It's perfectly safe." And then someone ends up in mortal danger.
  4. "Don't say that. You'll jinx it." Too late, they already said it and they already jinxed it.
  5. "Don't be ridiculous. There's no such thing." Yeah, there is such thing, and it's standing right behind you, ready to breathe fire on you and eat you.
  6. "Everything's under control." Sure, keep lying to yourself while everything turns to mass chaos.
  7. "He looks really scary and his face is on five thousand 'wanted' posters, but you can trust him." Then why is he holding a knife to my throat and saying he works for my worst enemy?
  8. "He won't bite." Then why am I missing some of my fingers?
  9. "Don't look down." Nothing makes you want to look down like being reminded that you're a million feet in the air and balanced precariously.
  10. "We won't get caught." Five minutes later, you're being dragged into a prison cell.
  11. "I have a bad feeling about this, but we're going to proceed anyway." Oh look, we just walked into an army of five thousand hungry zombies armed with bazookas!
  12. "Everything's been peaceful for a long time." You just jinxed it, and Smaug is headed right for you.
  13. "This will only hurt a bit." Then the dentist jabs a flaming katana, I mean needle, into the roof of your mouth.
  14. "This will be easy." Five years later, you're still trying to accomplish a task that should only take five minutes.
  15. "I know what I'm doing." Then why did the mutant dinosaur escape its enclosure on your watch, and why is it eating people and destroying everything?
  16. "I'll do it later." Then it never gets done.
  17. "We'll leave early to beat the crowds." Turns out everyone else had the same idea, and you get stuck in traffic and smothered by the huge crowds you thought you could evade.

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