How To Ruin a Book

 (beware of spoilers)

During Bible study, we were reading about David, and the various problems he faced. We began discussing flawed relationships, and I suddenly recalled a fantastic example of this.

The Black-and-Gold Jacket

When my mother was a teenager, she had a black-and-gold jacket. It was old and ratty, and my grandmother hated it. My mother, however, liked the jacket. It had a tear in the lining which was the perfect size for her to hide a fifth of alcohol in, unbeknownst to her mother.

One day, my grandmother decided to dispose of the infernal jacket. Knowing that my mother would try to retrieve it, my grandmother didn't throw it away. Instead, she burned it.

Thus ended the life of the black-and-gold jacket.

Poop Candy

My uncle was looking after his young grandson, and they decided to get a snack. My uncle offered a popsicle to him, and his grandson replied, "No, I want poop candy."

This confused my uncle. What is poop candy? He told his grandson, "We don't have any of that."

"Yes, you do!" his grandson said.

"You're going to have to show me where it is." his grandfather said, still not knowing what he was talking about.

They walked into the kitchen, and his grandson pointed to a cabinet where candy was kept. My uncle pulled out various things, trying to figure out what his grandson wanted.

Finally, my uncle took out some Caramello bars, and his grandson said, "Yeah! That's it!" My uncle gave him the candy, and he happily munched on it.

When my cousin returned, my uncle asked her, "What is poop candy?"

My cousin laughed and said, "Well, I had some Caramello bars, and I didn't want to share them with the kids, so I told them it was candy to make me go poop."

"Well, now he calls it poop candy." my uncle said.

Turkey Sandwich and Chips

I went to a restaurant with my mother to eat breakfast. I decided I would have a turkey sandwich. The waitress asked me if I wanted fries or chips with it, and I told her I wanted chips. She wrote it down on her notepad, then headed into the kitchen.

A while later, my food arrived. After a minute or two, I realized that I had ordered chips, and instead I had French fries. I found this rather amusing. I pointed it out to my mother and said, "Well, technically I received chips."

Maybe I should order biscuits there some time. I'm hoping for chocolate chip.

Writer's Insanity

Writer's insanity is a strange and complex frame of mind which leads to a great number of things. It cannot be adequately described in just a few sentences, so today we will be exploring the concept of writer's insanity in a great number of lengthy paragraphs.

In summary, writer's insanity is just what its name suggests. It is a condition that writers become afflicted with when they are truly and deeply immersed in all things resulting to writing. This condition causes the writer to become obsessed with these aspects of writing, and to sometimes appear as though they do not have a firm grasp on reality or sanity. There are many specific symptoms of writer's insanity, just as there are many specific aspects of writing.