Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Computer Programs- Now 20% More Obnoxious

As the proud owner of a Windows Vista desktop that's on its eighth year, I get to enjoy all the perks of having the same PC for a long time. My personal files and games are here, the settings are as I like them, and the OS is familiar to me. I also get to bask in the knowledge that everyone in the technology business points and jeers and throws rocks at me and my trusty computer. 
For example, several months ago, Google Chrome was gracious enough to inform me that it will no longer receive updates, because they no longer support XP and Vista users. And it informs me, and it informs me, every time I open the browser. I get the point, Google. You think I own a fossil. And now Gmail is yammering on about how my version of Chrome is longer supported. Wow, you don't say. I had no idea my Chrome version was out-of-date.
More recently, Microsoft Security Essentials decided to have an annoying little window that tells me I won't receive updates much longer. Every day, sometimes twice in a single day, it tells me I'm going to lose support.

Really, there's no greater treat than listening to the computer programs gripe at me. Nothing beats a bombardment of things like this:

  • "Nyah, nyah, nyah!" (blows raspberry)
  • "♫Nobody like you, everybody hates you, guess you'll eat some worms. Big ones, little ones, fat ones, skinny ones, twenty-four hours a day.♪♫"
  • "Yo, Meow! We're, like, totally cutting you off from those rad updates you like so much."
  • "Your computer is over the hill now. Hey, were dinosaurs still walking the Earth when you first got that thing? You know, you could sell that to a antique shop and get loads of money."
  • Ted Allen:  "Meowmocha, you have been chopped."
  • "Woah, I didn't know any of these things were still running!"
  • "Hate to break it to you, mate, but we're kicking you to the kerb."
  • "The field investigators in your sector have classified you as obsolete, this finding carries with it serious implications... You have no function, Mr. Wordsworth, er, computer, you're an anachronism, like a ghost from another time."




So, how do you deal with a situation like this? There's some very simple solutions to the problem.

For example, the NES Zapper. Among the delights of my childhood, the Zapper is perfect for shooting 8-bit ducks out of the sky. Unfortunately, the game designers don't let you shoot the dog when it laughs at you, which he does every time you fail to bring down the quarry. But I digress. The point is, the Zapper can also be used for a second purpose: shooting down those annoying notifications. You calling me obsolete? (bang)

NES Zapper and Duck Hunt game


Of course, this method isn't guaranteed. You might not have an NES Zapper, and besides that, they don't work properly on those new-fangled LCD screens. So let's move on to Option Two: Stress Reducers. It's an old computer program which takes a screenshot of your desktop, then allows you to express yourself with chain saws, flame-throwers, phasers, and other fun weapons of destruction.



Boy, that makes those annoying computer issues seem fun, don't you think? "Why, thank you. I wanted you to tell me the program quit responding." (sets error message on fire)
So now you know what to do the next time a computer is giving you a hard time. And remember, kids, you heard it from Meowmocha. Recommend me to your friends the next time they need tech support!


Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Apathy to the Nth Degree

Going onto my e-mail and being reminded of things I keep meaning to do and haven't done yet, like giving my feedback on a story I'm beta-reading.
Then I went to NaNoWriMo and saw more things I haven't done yet. Someone messaged me asking if I wanted to collaborate with them on something. That was weeks ago, and I still hadn't replied. The long waiting period somehow made it feel worse that I was declining.
And then there's the NaNo newsletter saying "HEY! Have you announced your novel yet?" I'm not even sure which project I'll work on. It seems like when I announce one thing, I wind up working on another project more, so I might as well put both of them on the list. And everything reminds me that I haven't done much writing lately.
Anyone else have a period where they feel like they should be doing stuff and feel guilty about not doing it, yet they're extremely unmotivated to actually do anything?