Investigation of Crime Rates- part 2

One thing the car rental company neglected to mention was that the vehicle's previous owner was an eccentric old maniac. The man had owned the car since his third month in the womb, and therefore was very fond of it. He also had an affinity for muscle cars, so at one point he had taken the worn-out motor out of the vehicle and replaced it with that of a race car retired from the Indy 500.

As a result of this, when I floored the vehicle, it shot forward at an acceleration rate I wouldn't have thought possible for the ancient car, or any other vehicle for that matter. For a split second I wondered if a giant had picked the car up and loaded it in his longbow without my realizing it.

Meanwhile, the police officer, or the escaped convict posing as one, was rather infuriated at my feat. He was hopping up and down, making threatening gestures and yelling at me. I didn't catch what he was saying, but I suspect it consisted of many unprintable words which would melt your eyeballs and give you nightmares for the rest of your days if I wrote them down here. After a few moments of this frenzied dance, I heard terrible sounds which was either the machine gun being fired or the car's engine begging for mercy, I may never be certain. Afraid I was being shot at, I began driving in a zigzag, which is what you're supposed to do when you are running from someone who is shooting at you. The car, which at that point was going at approximately 500 MPH, screeched deafeningly, and I probably lost about half the tread on the tires during this time.

I heard a siren, and realized that the policeman had got back into his car and was chasing me. I also noticed the pavement was torn up, and chunks of half-melted rubber lay among the rubble. Turning back to the road ahead, I saw that I was about to go downhill. It was a rather steep grade, and my 500 MPH soon turned into 700,000,000 MPH. I heard the car break the sound barrier, and a few parts break off the car.

I then became dimly aware that the steering no longer worked. What was worse, there was a milk cow standing in the middle of the road for some unfathomable reason. She gazed up at me nonchalantly and kept chewing her cud as though nothing special or worrisome was about to occur. I shut my eyes, braced for the impact and the ground beef, but to my utter surprise, the car went neatly over the cow's head without even touching her. Looking around, I realized the vehicle was no longer on the road, but somewhere above it. Flames flickered from what little was left of the wheels. The cow watched me go, the expression in her eyes suggesting she thought I was the craziest person she had ever seen.